There is an additional concept to contemplate as part of your Cheshbon Hanefesh, personal accounting: the motives behind your actions, even positive actions!
Why is this important?
All permissible activities that you engage in….
If they are done for mundane purposes and not specifically as a way to connect with G-d, you’ve entered risky territory:
These deeds are not automatically evil, of course. Torah permits them, which means they can be used as a way to connect with G-d.
But they can also be misused, and that connects the doer with the forces of impurity and evil.
Anything that isn’t done for a higher purpose, to connect you with G-d -
Is by default connected to the opposite, to the kelipot - the forces of impurity.
How can you identify your underlying motivation in all these areas? How can you know whether you’ve been connecting to G-d in these relationships and interactions, or not?
It’s the life story of the bookkeeper vs the business owner.
Both go over the books and check the income vs the expenditures.
But there’s a huge difference:
When the bookkeeper notices a discrepancy or mistake in the books, he still sleeps well at night. The impact of the error has nothing to do with him.
But for the business owner, the numbers are so much more than just an excel spreadsheet. He understands that the audit will affect him personally. If there’s a problem with balancing the books, he can’t sleep at night…
When taking a spiritual accounting of where you are holding, you need to be like the business owner, auditing your thoughts, words, and deeds from your entire life!
Once you’re contemplating your thought patterns, you need to remind yourself of the power and impact of your thoughts:
Many people think that thoughts are insignificant. But really, it’s not like that at all.
Whatever actions you are doing, even mundane ones, are influenced and elevated by your motivation.
If your motivation is holy, you become a chariot for G-dliness.
What is a chariot?
A chariot (or any vehicle) is operated by the rider/driver and it goes where it is directed to go. The chariot (or car or bike…) has no personal opinion or desire regarding the choice of destination. It speeds up, slows down, and turns according to the instructions of the rider.
When you ensure your thoughts and deeds are not selfishly motivated but are intended to fulfill G-d’s will, you become a chariot for G-d! All those potentially mundane actions and interactions become holy, too!
The same applies in the inverse:
Unholy, self-centered thoughts turn you into a chariot for the Kelipot, the forces of impurity, at that moment.
The same applies to words or deeds motivated by selfishness or unholiness.
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There’s an additional, somewhat surprising, factor to consider when making a personal accounting of your spiritual status:
Your dreams at night!
Do dreams mean anything…?
On the one hand, the Talmud states that dreams are senseless. They are of no consequence.
But on the other hand, G-d often spoke to the prophets in dreams and our sages occasionally received answers via dreams to queries that they couldn’t resolve when awake.
The Zohar states that the value and meaning of dreams depends on the spiritual status of the dreamer.
When a person sleeps, his soul is supposed to rise up in the spiritual worlds but not everyone merits this.
Dreams are a very subtle and deep way to measure your spiritual state.
You may control your conscious self very well - your conscious thought, words, and actions -
But your subconsciousness is not something you can control.
How can you tell where that part of you is holding spiritually?
Via dreams💭!
That’s where your subconscious flows freely, revealing what’s deep in your mind and heart, in a place beyond your control.
Not receiving G-dly solutions to your questions or prophesy in your sleep?
Guess what?
You aren’t perfect.
You have room to grow spiritually
