Treating others with the sort of respect and dignity that lets them know just how important you consider them to be in your life is one of the most transformative principles we can practice. And this can be applied to relationships with just about anyone you encounter (not just those in your inner circle). Asking someone questions about themselves, their life experiences, and their perspectives on things (and listening intently) is in essence saying, “I care about who you are and what it is that made you who you are, which is someone I consider definitely worth knowing and learning from.”
That is empowering, isn’t it? Not that it grants that other person power OVER you, but that they have the power to make a real difference in your life for the good.
Think about it. You are locked into what it is they are saying. They are the focus of your attention, which affirms them as someone worth not just hearing but being listened to. And what they are talking about has a thread that connects to their own story, which is another affirming element; their story makes a difference in yours.
Listening intently with a keen sense of the expectation that you are going to grow because of the conversation is one of the most life-giving principles we can practice as it stimulates growth personally, relationally, and even in a broad sense--societally. Think applying this to all the important social discourses that are going on these days would lead to healing and set us on the path to solving some of our land's most pressing issues? Roger that!
The writer of the book of Proverbs (King Solomon) highlights this principle with two connected thoughts that occur a few lines apart when he writes, “Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions. … To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.” (Proverbs 18:2,13)
Along those same lines, I have a saying that goes, "Listen to understand, connect, and learn, not just to wait your turn."
It’s not a great move (it’s a shame, actually) to barge ahead in conversations with the sole goal of just making a point or winning an argument. Rarely does this result in blessings for any involved in that sort of conversation. However, listening patiently, respectfully, empathetically, and expectantly makes room for cooperation, deepened relationships, and solutions to things that need remedy.
Everyone desires to be respected, valued, and loved. And one way to not just communicate that but to DO that relates to what might seem to be small gestures corresponding to being that kind and patient listener. This one practice can invigorate another person into a renewed state of growth based upon their sense that they are a vital part of the world—your world! Go do that and see how much it blesses and changes someone, how much it blesses and changes you, and how it sets in motion the kind of good vibes and good energy that radiates out into your whole community.
What a privilege to be able to play a part in that, right?
Attributions:
"Oceantumblers" from the album "Astral Welder" by Kiln.
