Distancing language is any type of language that creates a sense of emotional or interpersonal distance between the speaker and the topic being discussed. It can be used intentionally or unintentionally, but it can often have negative consequences, such as making the speaker seem less empathetic or trustworthy.
Here are some examples of distancing language:
Using the passive voice: Instead of saying "I made a mistake," someone might say "A mistake was made." This can make it seem like the speaker is not taking responsibility for their actions.
Using vague or impersonal language: Instead of saying "I'm feeling sad," someone might say "I'm not feeling my best." This can make it difficult for others to connect with the speaker's emotions.
Using euphemisms: Instead of saying "The company is laying off workers," someone might say "The company is rightsizing its workforce." This can be used to downplay or desensitize a difficult situation.
Using third-person pronouns: Instead of saying "I think this is a good idea," someone might say "One might think this is a good idea." This can make the speaker seem less committed to their opinion.
Using hedging language: Instead of saying "I'm sure this will work," someone might say "I hope this will work." This can make the speaker seem less confident.
Blame shifting, or minimizing role: “I could have been better, but…” This creates distance between the speaker and the conflict and outcome, passing the blame to someone else.
To avoid using distancing language, try to be as direct and honest as possible. Use the active voice, specific and personal language, and state your opinions clearly. Be mindful of your emotions and try to express them in a way that others can understand.
Here are some tips for avoiding distancing language:
Use the active voice whenever possible. This means that the subject of the sentence is performing the action. For example, instead of saying "The dishes were washed," say "I washed the dishes."
Use specific and personal language. Instead of saying "Some people think this is a good idea," say "I think this is a good idea."
State your opinions clearly and avoid hedging language. For example, instead of saying "I hope this will work," say "I'm confident that this will work."
Be mindful of your emotions and try to express them in a way that others can understand. For example, instead of saying "I'm not feeling my best," say "I'm feeling sad today."
Take whole ownership of your role and action steps moving forward. For example, “I became defensive and expressed my anger in a hurtful way. I will explain my emotions in the future, and be open to hearing the other person’s perspective.”
By avoiding distancing language, you can communicate more effectively and build stronger relationships with others.
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