About Jon Hester
- Married with 2 teenage daughters. Celebrating 25th wedding anniversary in May
- 15 years in church ministry; 7 or 8 years now in professional counseling.
What are some of the benefits to going to counseling to improve your relationship?
- Many couples wait too late to get the help they need, all couples can improve their relationship.
What do you think it takes to help a marriage that’s in trouble make a turn around?
- Honesty – with themselves, about themselves, and about where their marriage really is
- Humility – taking the steps to get the help the need, actually put in the work to become the healthiest version of themselves
- Forgiveness – regrets of the past will continue to haunt and linger until true forgiveness takes place. Forgiveness of spouse and of self.
What are some of the biggest misconceptions about marriage?
- That intimacy naturally fades over time. Intimacy only fades when we stop pursuing the other person.
- That they are, by default, meeting the needs of their spouse. People change over time.
What are some of the things that can sabotage a good marriage?
- Lack of boundaries – taking on too much and having nothing left to give your spouse. Or perhaps a lack of boundaries when it comes to children, extended family members. Couples should fearlessly protect time for the two of you to be alone.
- Boredom – Couples should chase new & next together.
- Comparing their marriage to someone else’s – Social media has not helped here.
Do all couples fight?
- People handle conflict in different ways.
- No one wants have to walk on egg shells around their partner
- If things begin to escalate, take a time out.
How can we intentionally make marriage fun so that we have a lot of good times to mix in with the difficult times?
- Always keep something on the calendar to look forward to. The planning part of it alone brings a certain level of excitement.
- Engage in the interests and activities your spouse enjoys – and do so joyfully.
What advice would you give to couples willing to give it one more try?
- Decide to do something substantially different.
- Avoid negative voices – friends, family, internet, social media
- Return to the practices you were doing in the beginning.
How important is it to be a student of our partner?
- Probably one of the most underestimated and often overlooked component of marriages.
- Check out the DISC personality profile and the Love Language assessment.
If people want to learn more about you, or connect with you about counseling, how can they find you?
- www.psychologytoday.com - Search "Jon Hester". Email and phone listed.
