For the past several decades Kim Botto led children’s and student ministries at the local church while also leading initiatives around adoption and foster care. As an adoptive mom and special needs grandma, Kim is passionate about creating environments where all kids feel safe, included and welcome. Through speaking, writing and coaching Kim works with parents and church leaders to equip volunteer teams, strengthen families and support parents. Kim has a Masters in Family Ministry and is a Trauma Free World Affiliate Trainer and a Certified Trauma and Resilience Trainer and Coach. Kim and her husband Mark love spending time with their five kids and ten grandkids.
I always enjoy talking to Kim. She’s been a go-to resource for my husband Rich and I through the challenging teen and young adult years; and each time I’ve talked to her, I recognize a bit more of the depth of her wisdom and experience. I’m so grateful for her passion for kids, and for running straight into the situations that would paralyze others with fear. She embodies timeless truths around the recognition that developing and loving people, our kids as well as the folks in our care at work, is our privilege as leaders, even when it's challenging.
Here are my big takeaways:
1. We feel what we feel…when someone around us is feeling sad or mad or scared, just saying “don't be upset or don’t be mad” doesn’t help. I’ve heard it said that actually leads folks to feel invalidated, and unheard. Instead, Kim encouraged us to Be curious, not judgmental (a la Ted Lasso, Walt Whitman, Kim Botto); Give folks a space to talk about their feelings and take the time to listen. Doing so is good leadership; and Good leadership isn’t just training folks to do a task, it’s developing those in our care into the very best version of themselves, which means giving them the space to work through their feelings and helping them to identify what’s behind them.
2. Connect before you correct, and speaking truth over the other person’s character - who they are as an heir, a child of God is often a surprising way to handle a behavior issue. Kim talked about the analog of a Tree, where the branches are behaviors; the /trunk is the foundation that our lives have been built on, and the roots are the truths we believe about ourselves. Many of us haven’t been deeply rooted in what God says about us, but when we as leaders can speak into someone’s character in the Lord, behavior change can grow much more organically and sustainably.
3. Corporate goals, company goals are important. Many times, Christians in the workplace want to diminish or deprioritize the goals of the business. There doesn’t need to be a tension between these things. We care about the business goals, because if we, or our company, aren’t managing money well for example, then the company might fail, and then we can’t change lives anyway. Corp goals enable us to continue to do the work that God has called us to do. She reminded us of the Biblical call to submit to our leadership and give our best at work. And, that if we are not aligned, then move on to another role rather than disrespect leadership.
My challenge for you today coming out of this conversation with Kim Botto is to look for opportunities to be curious, rather than judgmental. My encouragement is to invite someone close to you into this challenge…someone who wouldn’t be afraid to call you out when you are being judgmental; and would remind you to be curious. As you do that, look for opportunities to speak into someone’s character more than their behaviors. Try it for a few weeks, and I’d love to hear about it: What shifts in your heart, your results, or with the folks in your care as a result of you being more curious and speaking affirmation into folks character?
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