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How do you know if a relationship is toxic and how do you know it's time to let go? Becky and Kristen jump right into it in this episode. We want to give a shoutout to Kameron for this topic idea. Thank you! We love listener input. If you have a topic you want us to discuss, please email us at TrySelfLovePodcast@gmail.com or join our free FB group Try Self-Love!

We want to start by saying that if this episode applies to you, we are sorry to hear that. Our hearts go out to you because we get it and we’ve been there. This is a process. It will hurt. The closer you are to someone the harder it may be to let go. It will be a journey. This is jumping from one roller coaster to another, and this time your challenges will be with yourself. Watch your thoughts! You may tell yourself things like, “You’re too sensitive” or ”She didn’t mean it” “Why does this bother you?” “You’re the only one who can’t get on board with this.” That doesn't help and may cause you more pain.

We highly recommend going to counseling or working with a coach if you are having a hard time moving through this process. A counselor will help you examine your part in it. A coach will help you with your goals and transformation so that you can love yourself throughout the process.

Don’t beat yourself up if you find yourself in a toxic relationship. You didn’t know better but now that you do, you can do things differently. For Kristen it was a failed romantic relationship. She wanted to make the person see my value, see what they lost. She became obsessed about the ways she could have made it better, what she could have done differently. She thought love was enough to make people love her back. She thought giving and overdoing would earn her the love she was seeking.

For Becky it was letting go of her relationship with her mom. It can be difficult to take a step back, especially with a family member. It’s okay to let go of anyone, even if they’re a blood relative. As you get better at loving yourself you can find people who also love you as you are. You can back away from those who don’t love or accept you. We will always want to be loved and accepted by others but we won’t be willing to put up with as much toxicity.

When you love yourself you don’t rely on others as much; you learn to fulfill a lot of your own needs. You will see the red flags earlier as you come into greater self-love. You will be able to find someone who can meet you on a healthier plane.

Tips:

1. Assess: what are my expectations? For the other person and for yourself. Is this relationship worth it?
2. Journal - Be completely honest with yourself; express anger, pain and hate. Forge this relationship with yourself because it’s the longest relationship you’ll be in while on this earth. Love, accept, listen to and be trustworthy to yourself; all the things you would do for someone else, do for you.
3. Let go of the hope that they will change. The only person you can change is yourself. Let go of the past. You cannot change what happened. When you look back, try to see it clearly, the good and the bad. Maybe you stayed because you didn’t want to be alone and you were willing to put up with the pain because you hoped that it would get better.
4. Leave space for forgiveness. Don’t force forgiveness - that will just cause you pain. Leave room in your heart to forgive yourself and the other person. 
5. This is a loss; let yourself grieve and feel the pain. Know that it’s not going to last forever.
6. Find the gift in the relationship. After enough time you will be able to see what you gained from this relationship. How are you different? How have you grown? What did you learn that will help you help others moving forward? Being able to help others in similar painful situations can be so healing to you.

Eckart...