“Why are you doing this to me???” v “Why are you doing this?”
We’re often too quick to judge the “fairness” of an accusation or outburst. “How could you do this TO ME???”.
We see ourselves as sole cause and entire target of the transgression. We jump to defence and denial, and rail against the injustice of it all. “It’s not MY fault!!” we cry, which usually leads to escalation and blame games.
What we feel as a personal attack often has more to do with our proximity than our contribution. And the human inclination to believe we’re more important than we truly are. But it’s hard to find compassion and empathy when the anger has been directed AT you.
In this chat Cam and Col chat about the wonderful technique of taking the last two words off the standard reaction “Why are you doing this to me?”.
It’s not always easy in the heat of the moment. But it can quickly replace indignance with compassionate curiosity. It can help you find connection, forgiveness, and understanding far more quickly.
Although to be fair - and I can’t stress this enough - you might actually be an arsehole.
