Deep Dive into Cornerstone by Jeremy Prayer - Marriage – Conflict Resolution
Self-focus fundamentally obstructs conflict resolution by centering everything on one's own desires and a drive to "win." At its core, conflict stems from selfishness and a failure to "walk by the Spirit," leading the "flesh to naturally take over" and prioritize "Me Myself and I."
This self-centered approach leads to insisting on one's own way and viewing conflict as a competition, rather than an opportunity for genuine resolution. Common "man's way" tactics emerge, such as winning at all costs, manipulating situations by "losing in order to win," or engaging in a self-serving "compromise" that offers only a diluted version of one's own desires. Issues are often buried for temporary peace, only to resurface later and worse.
Self-focus also corrupts communication, leading to unloving behaviors like being quick to speak and slow to listen, or being easily offended. Communication can become unbiblical, marked by manipulative comments, silent treatment, or even destructive actions like yelling and threats. Individuals seek only to be understood without making an effort to understand the other person.
Further impediments include bringing unreasonable and uncommunicated expectations into the relationship, leading to blame shifting rather than owning one's part. A lack of quality time and self-control in speech also arise from prioritizing self-interest. Destructive patterns like keeping a "ledger" of wrongs to use as ammunition, and gossiping or slandering the spouse to others, prevent true reconciliation and erode trust.
In stark contrast, biblical conflict resolution calls for denying self, laying down one's rights, and regarding "one another as more important than yourself." This humble, self-sacrificial love, prioritizing the interests of others, is the antidote to self-focus.
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