I used to think I didn’t have control over my drinking. Like, if I thought about wine, then I had to drink. I’d walk by a bush and feel like alcohol was just going to jump out at me and throw itself down my throat. That’s how powerless I felt. But the truth is, alcohol doesn’t have arms. Craving is not a command. It took practice, and walking by a lot of bushes and not drinking, to learn that I could interrupt the thought. I could pause, call someone, and redirect my brain. And the more I practiced that, the easier it got. Just because I think about drinking doesn’t mean I have to do it. That thought doesn’t own me anymore.
It’s the same thing with stroke recovery and my vestibular disorder. I can’t control when my symptoms hit and what they feel like, but I can control how I respond. Sometimes that means laying down. Sometimes it just means closing my eyes wherever I am. I’ve learned to interrupt the thoughts that start spiraling, like when I get depressed that I’ll never be able to run again or drive again. Some things I can work toward, and some I must accept might not ever happen. It’s a parallel recovery where I’m learning to respond to my thoughts and not react. I’m learning what’s within my control and what’s not.
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To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org
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