I had so much anxiety before sobriety that I could have powered the Town of Leesburg. I self-medicated with alcohol. It was the only thing that could release that pent up energy. It was like a rubber band twisting itself up until it was about to snap. I can remember that first drink on any given day caused an audible sigh of relief as the rubber band released.
Early in sobriety, one of the first tools that I was given was the Serenity Prayer. There's this really uncomfortable period, where I had to put down the drink and yet I didn't have the tools yet for managing my troubles. The Serenity Prayer was something simple that I could say over and over again. It reminded me that some of these things that I'm trying to manage are not things under my control. It helped me not to get as wound up as often.
Eventually I was guided through the steps of my program, which honestly I wish I learned in school. Over the past 8 1/2 years, my tolerance to withstand trouble has increased exponentially. I'm able to view trouble from a further distance, gaining the wisdom to know whether the trouble is something I can change or not. I still take anxiety medication and believe I always will. But the medication works now as does my program of recovery.
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Visit me at recoverydailypodcast.com or email me at rachel@recoverydailypodcast.com.
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