I thought turning my will and life over was supposed to be some dramatic event, but for me it was a subtle decision as I walked a sidewalk in San Francisco 8 years ago.
In early sobriety, I could barely grasp steps 2 and 3. My sponsor kept telling me to pray, but I couldn’t even say the word God without feeling awkward. Over time, just listening to people talk about their experience gave me permission to try.
I think of it now like sitting in a small room with a stranger every day for ten minutes. At first, it’s weird. You don’t know them. You don’t talk. You just awkwardly sit there. But day after day, it starts to feel familiar, and you naturally let go of tension and get comfortable. That’s what happened to me with praying. It is through consistency just showing up that I grew faith.
That night in San Francisco walking circles around the block, I repeated to myself, “Nobody will know if I drink.” Then, it hit me, “I will know, and my higher power will know.” That moment changed everything. I realized that either God is everything or he is nothing. If I was going to do this sobriety thing, He had to be everything, or I would drink again. And here I am still sober.
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