I’ve been thinking about the reckless, self-sabotaging behaviors of my drinking years. My program teaches me not to regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it, but some memories are hard to look at without feeling shame and guilt. Back then, I was always searching for validation. I set myself up for failure, assuming that I was never good enough. I dismissed people before they could dismiss me. I see clearly now how I created my own isolation.
Eight years into sobriety, and I’m still learning. It’s hard to sit with the memories and let them teach me something. When someone hurts me today, I think about the people I’ve hurt and forgiveness is easier. I don’t have to hide from my past. My old mistakes are a bridge to someone else’s healing. Maybe that’s how I make peace with it. No matter how much I wish I could rewrite it, the best thing I can do is use it.
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