Today I’m unpacking one of the promises from the world of AA as it relates to parenting - the one that says we will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. When I think about all the things I didn't do for my kids because of my drinking, it's tough not to feel a pang of regret. I drank because facing life sober seemed impossible. Yet, in doing so, I sacrificed so much of my ability to be the mother I wanted to be.
My kids and I have always prided ourselves on open and honest with each other. I have SO many of my favorite memories being sitting up for hours talking to my son. And memories of my daughter coming home from school and doing the same. So what was missing? Why do I beat myself up about this?
I have to shift perspective whenever I catch myself regretting the past. I try to ask, "What's the opportunity here? What can I provide to my kids now that I might not have been able to if I hadn't gone through these struggles?" It's in these moments that I keep the door to my past open, not with regret, but as a gateway to deeper understanding and connection with those that I’ve hurt in my active alcoholism.
