I’ve had to feel my way into humility. In the beginning of my sobriety, my character defects felt better than humility. I felt like giving them up was shrinking myself or losing the parts of me that made me a strong woman. But I’ve come to understand that humility is a quiet strength. Humility helps me pause before reacting and listen for the next right thing instead of charging ahead with my old instincts. My character defects of defensiveness, isolation, and control were my armor that felt like protection. But really, they were causing my suffering. Practicing humility and choosing it over old patterns now feels better than the comfort I once found in those defects. Like sobriety, it’s uncomfortable at first to live without alcohol, but it becomes a beautiful life I never thought I could live.
Step 7 says to humbly ask God to remove my character defects. This has always tripped me up. I didn’t get how my concept of God could play an active role in this step. It seemed more like asking for a magic spell. But this morning I considered it as more of a partnership. I do the work, pause, listen, and stay willing. Then the change happens. Humility lives in the space between reaction and response where I get quite and listen. As I release what no longer serves me, I’m becoming someone new, who believes that she belongs in the room and deserves to be heard.
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