I hate to admit it, but if we had a conversation before April 28th, 2016, I was probably thinking more about alcohol than listening to you. It’s humiliating to say, but it's true. Before sobriety, I couldn’t be fully present unless I had a drink in my hand. Drinking controlled every thought, I didn’t want to admit it. But once I finally did, the weight of that constant secret obsession lifted.
That’s when the real work of recovery began, and it’s work I still do every day because I never want to go back to that place. The anxiety and the physical tremors used to paralyze me. Today, I don’t have to sit in that fear and anxiety anymore. Sobriety has completely changed the atmosphere in my mind.
My old mental default was a constant echo of, “I need a drink. Where’s my drink?” Now, my mental default is peaceful silence. That’s not to say I don’t overthink things A LOT, but I have the tools to practice letting go. Fear and anxiety no longer control me, but it is a lifetime job.
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Visit me at recoverydailypodcast.com or email me at rachel@recoverydailypodcast.com.
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