When I was little, I used to suck my thumb and clutch tightly onto a purple velvet pillow while I sunk into our mustard-colored couch. It was the 70’s! Eventually I would be told that it was time for me to stop sucking my thumb. I don't remember what I replaced that habit with to self-sooth. I am certain however, that I depended on the comfort of others to fix me on the inside.
Eventually I found alcohol to be an effective self-soothing technique that made my depression weightless, and for a single evening, I could fly. Years later that too needed to come to an end. Luckily, I have a program of recovery today that can never be taken away from me.
When I'm feeling upset and resentful, I clutch on to my program. Resentments have the power to kill. If I hold on to resentments, I will drink. If I drink, I will die. The steps of my program have become my new purple velvet pillow.
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Visit me at recoverydailypodcast.com or email me at rachel@recoverydailypodcast.com.
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