It was a difficult adjustment to show up to an event and order a Coca Cola in early sobriety. I wasn’t sure what to do with my hands, like Ricky Bobby in an interview. Without a drink in them I felt exposed and uncomfortable. Even sitting in front of the TV felt frustrating without a glass of wine. Social events, like happy hours or company parties, were intimidating because I thought everyone’s focus was on alcohol. I soon found out that I was the only one focused on alcohol. I pushed through the discomfort, with a little help from Team Rachel, until I got comfortable in my own skin, able to focus on connection, eating, and celebrating.
Even so, jealousy has always been my biggest inner challenge. Watching others drink stirs up envy. But I’ve come to see those feelings as a symptom of my disease, not a character flaw. The solution is honesty, boundaries, and practice. I knew to leave the event once the focus shifted more to drinking as people got tipsy, and I would always drive myself. Each time I choose self-respect over fitting in, I grew stronger. Sobriety is a lifestyle, and I can still show up without needing a drink to be comfortable in my own skin.
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