This morning, I woke up deep in self-pity. The pain in my head was what I call a vestibular hangover, and I immediately started beating myself up for doing what I know triggers it—scrolling on a computer. I still try to chase digital fun like I used to, just like you, or you wouldn’t be reading this. I get sucked in to the internet, without thinking about what I’m taking away from myself tomorrow in the process. The pain is going to be there either way, and sometimes I gamble with it, thinking a quick laugh at an adorable dog in a pool is worth the pain that comes later. Think about what it must be like to pay a cost of pain every time you scroll on a digital device. It’s a real drag, people!
Self-pity creeps in when I start grieving the woman I was, and if I stay there too long, I start believing I’m broken. Like sobriety, stroke recovery required me to surrender before I could accept the truth. My disability is bigger than me, but it’s not bigger than the whole lot of us survivors. Together we rise. When I show up, even when I feel awful, I get love from my vast support network. When I stay willing, I always gain new perspective.
Today I am listening to a podcast episode about living with and through grief with Steve Zuckerman and Debra Meyerson. I can’t speak highly enough of this couple. After Deb suffered a massive stroke and subsequent event, her and Steve began an organization called Stroke Onward in addition to writing a book called Identity Theft. What I’m reminded of in this podcast is that I wouldn't be where I am today without who I was before. That version of me is still giving me gifts today to become even more tomorrow. I’m not who I was anymore, but I’m not broken. I’m becoming. We all are.
Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube.
Rather listen on Apple Podcasts? https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recovery-daily-podcast/id1693924779
Visit my Etsy shop, and join my creative journey at Recovery Upcycling. https://www.etsy.com/shop/RecoveryUpcycling
To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org
#StrokeRecovery #ChronicIllness #MentalHealthAwareness #GriefSupport #HealingJourney #DisabilityAwareness #SelfLoveJourney #InvisibleIllness #KeepShowingUp #YouAreNotAlone
