This morning, I woke up to my 6:45am alarm and thought, “Maybe if I don’t move, Autumn and Boris will go back to sleep. I don’t need to go to my 7:00am sobriety meeting.” I moved the covers off me and thought, “I need my meeting.” I took the pooches out for their morning potty and fed them while thinking, “If I set my alarm for 7:45am instead of 6:45am, I can get an extra hour of sleep and go to a different meeting.” But as I dialed into Zoom, I commended myself and recognized: I want this meeting. These are my people. My day wouldn’t be the same if I didn’t start it with them.
In my meetings this morning, I was reminded of how different I am now compared to when I was actively drinking. Back then, my mornings were consumed with trembling fear. I didn’t know how to face it or even what was causing it. I was blind to the fact that drinking every night for 10 hours was draining the life out of me. I had no confidence in myself—no belief that I was worthy or capable of anything—unless I was within that 10-hour drinking window. Over time, that window expanded to encompass all my waking hours.
I lacked accountability and insight into the root of my problems. I didn’t know how to fix the sleeplessness, the fear, or the chaos. Looking back now, it’s bizarre to think about how lost I was—but it’s so important to reflect on it.
Today, I have what my old self would have considered superpowers: confidence to face my fears, a sense of belonging with my community, clarity in my thinking, accountability to myself and others, and the ability to be present in my life.
These superpowers didn’t appear overnight. They came through consistent work, showing up even when I didn’t want to, and prioritizing my recovery. And every day, I’m grateful for the strength that sobriety gives me to live fully.
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