Recovery is more than checking boxes and going through the motions. Without honesty and intention, unease can still rest below the surface, even when we don’t want to admit it. I can show up to meetings, pray, meditate, exercise, and eat well, and still feel unsettled underneath. I tell myself that if I “doing all the things,” then I should be okay, but that’s not always the case. I’m lying to myself, ignoring what’s bothering me or refusing to face the fear that’s fueling my unease. If I don’t take a daily personal inventory with honesty, I can easily slip into pretending everything is fine when it’s not.
My sissy had a slumber party with me last night, and she shared something valuable to my spiritual growth. She said that God wants us to share with him what’s in our hearts, even when we ask that thy will be done. I’m learning how to be vulnerable and share my hopes and my fears to build intimacy with God and dismantle my inner dishonesty. I see it as dishonesty because I’m ignoring the truth when I don’t talk about it. Gratitude lists and routine prayers are not the whole story if I’m leaving out what I’m truly feeling. By naming those honestly, I reduce their power over me and nurture a deeper spiritual connection. I can’t surrender what I’m unwilling to admit is broken.
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