They didn't Show Up. Now what? on Talks with Dr Shafer. We have all had times when we were so excited about connecting with someone, sharing something with someone, and they simply didn't show. No response. No apology or excuses. They just didn't show. You may never know what happened. In your mind, the worst case scenario starts playing: what if they were in a horrible accident? You wonder. That would explain why they didn't show up, and they didn't even tell me they wouldn't be coming as planned. It is wonderful when we can give someone the benefit of the doubt rather than assuming malintent. Sometimes things just happen. Things are forgotten, schedules can't be followed because life gets in the way, and we drop the ball on communicating with the person that is left waiting for us. We've all been on both sides of the equation. But sometimes the person you are waiting for just doesn't care. Not that they don't care about you and your dreams and your goals, not that they think they aren't worthwhile or that you aren't enough. They simply aren't at the same level of investment in the meeting as you were. There are a myriad of reasons why. This person may be avoidant, have wanted to cancel but couldn't get up the nerve to, and chose passively to let the meeting slip by and to just disconnect rather than admit that for whatever reason, they don't want to be there. It's important to remember that whatever the reason, most decisions other people make simply aren't about you. Or me. Or anyone else. Most people are motivated by and making decisions based on their wants and needs, their beliefs and expectations, not of the world so much but more so of themselves. Some people expect relationships to fail, and they then fail at relationships. Some people expect to fail at work, and so they don't meet deadlines because... well, their limiting beliefs are in the driver's seat, and they are arriving at the destination where they set the GPS to, because that's what they planned on happening. Even if they may want things to unfold differently, they are using the same set of tools and the same mindset that they have been using for a long time, and if these beliefs make them think negatively about themselves and how they show up in the world, they will likely continue to show up that way until they do the work to assess their mindset and change what they are telling themselves in their head about their potential, the outcomes and how they will navigate the journey to get there. Just make sure when you are dissappointed by someone not showing up for you, that you don't take it personally. Their choices likely have very little or nothing to do with you. THey have to do with a lifetime of data and beliefs and expectations that create their reality, a reality that you may simply be a temporary guest of, or even just a passerby. And that's okay. Just don't let their choices interfere with your journey, your beliefs, the things you are telling yourself as you move forward into the world and towards your goals.
Written and Produced by Shafer Stedron, MD
Little House of Dreams Entertainment, LLC 2024
All Rights Reserved.
Music Credit: Shafer Yost, Impulse
