Thanks to Petrach, women even today face an impossible standard. The 14th century poet famously penned love poems to a woman by the name of Laura, which, in and of itself, would have been harmless were it not for the fact that he appropriated the language of praise and worship to express his affections. Language meant for God, in other words, was applied to a mere mortal. No longer was God alone perfect, wonderful, and glorious but now so too was this Laura. And not only that, but Petrach inspired a plethora of poets down through the ages to celebrate their love in much the same way. The result? The fairer sex could never measure up next to the Divine. They would always fail. The taint inherent in being human would eventually appear, destroying the illusion, obliterating what always was a falsehood, an unfair comparison.
It would be laborious for me to document and you, dear subscriber, to listen to all of the examples we see of this juxtaposition throughout the centuries. Crooners of the 1940s echoed Petrarch as did the balladeers of the 1950s, the songbirds of the 60s and 70s, the vocalists of the 80s ... you get the picture. It is a part of our culture. It is how we view relationships. It is the seed that has the idealist seeking THE ONE. The truth will always come out. The real ONE arts in heaven. Everybody else has their idiosyncrasies and faults.
Mature minds are able to navigate this trap and go on to have healthy relationships; however, this is not the case for many. They imbibe too much popular culture -- ingest the lie in its various forms and expressions – and continue to relegate women into one of two camps. They either fit the impossible bill (for now) or they don’t, often in spectacular ways; hence the virgin/whore archetype arises. A woman is seen as virgin – unblemished or unblemishable (think kindly old lady) or, sadly, whore: unforgivably sullied, dirty, untouchable.
This characterization of women is manifest in a variety of ways in our society – some extreme, most subtle. But even so, it is a grossly unfair framework that does nobody any good. A man believes the lie. A woman must navigate that same lie. Two imperfect individuals dodging declarations released, at this point, over five-hundred years ago.
Perhaps this is why we are seeing so many young folks resisting the idea of marriage. Cohabitation is fine, but entering into a bond as formal as marriage would be an act of surrender. It would be, in other words, giving in to something perceived as inferior. It would be the recognition of a common humanity with all of its frailty, brokenness, and imperfection.
What, then, does this say about the current state? If God who is perfect can love us who are imperfect, why can’t we love each other who are the same? Is this not pride? We are prideful who cannot – indeed, will not – do what God does all the time. We would not go to the cross for each other because our expectations would never be met. And it only seems to be getting more pervasive: isolated individuals choosing technology over relationship, the safety of singlehood over the chance of true human connection. This is our world today: desperate for love, afraid of what it costs. Lonely beating hearts. Thank God we were judged by His standards and not by those a twitterpated poet.
