One of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do as a parent is watch your kids struggle with something that you can’t fix. To watch them faced with problems that you can’t solve for them. To watch them hurt and not be able to take away the pain.
One of my children was struggling with something I think all of us can relate to. They were struggling with not knowing where they fit in this world. They were struggling with looking at their closest connections and friends, and realizing more often than not, they have to be someone they aren’t to fit in. They struggled with feeling extremely alone because that is how being around someone you can’t be 100% yourself makes you feel.
As much as I tried to tell her that as hard as it feels today, it gets better, the truth is that even well into my 40s I still have those moments. I have those moments where I look around and feel alone. I have those moments where I desperately crave connection and can’t find it. I have moments where I’m tempted to pretend to be someone I’m not (someone less me) in order to make myself more palatable for others so I can belong.
And in these moments, I try to remind myself the same things I tried to remind my daughter. Even though it hurts right now, it won’t always hurt this way. It is much better to be only loved by one person (even if that is only yourself) for being exactly who you are than to be loved by everyone for being someone you’re not. I try to remind myself that when you finally begin living as your most genuine and authentic self, it might repel the wrong people away from you. And it might result in some losses that make you feel sad or rejected or alone. But it also attracts all the right people to you. Your people.
In these moments, one of my favorite quotes that makes me feel better anytime I’m feeling this way is this: "You have not yet met all of the people who are going to love you."
What an amazing reminder.
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