Welcome back to the Parent Doctor Podcast. I'm Dr. Marissa Caudill, and today we're discussing strategies for managing problematic behavior in young children under the age of 12.
Before we dive in, I'd like to acknowledge my mentor, Cynthia Whitham, a UCLA social worker who has greatly influenced my approach. She authored the books Win the Whining War and Other Skirmishes and The Answer is No, Saying It and Sticking to It, which remain invaluable resources.
We categorize children's behaviors into three groups:
1) Positive behaviors we want to encourage.
2) Negative behaviors that are problematic but not dangerous.
3) Behaviors that are unsafe or cannot be ignored.
Each category requires a different approach. For positive behaviors, we apply reinforcement to encourage more of the same. Category 2 - problematic behaviors that are not dangerous, on the other hand, should ideally be ignored so they extinguish over time. Finally, dangerous behaviors necessitate intervention and possibly, punishment.
Punishments and reinforcements can be either positive or negative. Positive reinforcement might involve rewards like praise or stickers, enhancing desirable behaviors. Negative reinforcement involves removing an adverse condition, such as no cavities when you brush your teeth, promoting good habits. Conversely, negative punishment might entail withholding privileges to reduce unwanted behaviors.
Many issues parents bring up fall into the second category. Common complaints include disrespect, noncompliance, and sibling conflict. Here, the key is not to punish, but to redirect and reinforce positive behaviors, promoting a shift from undesirable to desirable actions.
For instance, if siblings are quarreling, rather than focusing on the argument, redirect them towards cooperative play or another positive interaction, or praise them for their cooperative problem solving skills and encourage them to come up with a compromise, which you can then praise. This approach decreases negative interactions and strengthens the relationship.
On a final note, effective discipline involves delivering consequences from a calm, centered state. If a punishment is too severe, it’s okay to reassess and communicate with your child, helping them understand the reason behind actions and reinforcing your bond.
Remember, the ultimate goal is to support our children in expressing and managing their emotions healthily and constructively. Next week, we'll explore strategies to reduce anxiety in children and adults. Stay tuned, and thank you for joining me today on the Parent Doctor Podcast.
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