Why does rejection hurt so intensely — even when the relationship was brief, online, or never fully real? Why do some rejections destabilize your entire sense of self while others barely register? In this solo episode, Alice breaks down exactly what rejection does to a person, why you may be taking rejection so hard, and how to recover with science-backed compassion.
Alice opens with a story from early 2020: a fast, dopamine-fueled pandemic connection with someone she never met — and the emotional crash that followed when it abruptly ended. If you’ve ever wondered “why am I so hurt by rejection?”, “why do I get so hurt by rejection?” or “what does constant rejection do to a person?”, her experience will feel uncannily familiar.
Blending neuroscience and psychology, Alice explains:
How rejection affects the brain, including why social rejection activates the same neural pathways as physical pain
How rejection makes you feel overwhelmed, foggy, or obsessive, and why these reactions are biological, not personal failures
Why you might handle rejection so badly, especially when fantasy, intensity, and uncertainty fuel attachment
How rejection affects mental health, including stress responses, rumination, and emotional dysregulation
How rejection can affect self-esteem and identity, even when the relationship was short or never fully formed
What constant rejection does to a person over time, and how it erodes confidence and connection
Alice also unpacks the psychology of idealization, intermittent reinforcement, imagined futures, and the collapse of emotional safety — offering a grounded explanation for why some rejections hurt more than “real” breakups.
Finally, she shares practical, evidence-based tools to help you rebuild resilience, calm your nervous system, and stop interpreting rejection as proof of inadequacy.
If you’ve ever asked yourself “why am I taking rejection so hard?”, “why do I handle rejection so badly?” or “what does rejection do to a person?”, this episode will help you understand your reactions — and give you a path to healing that doesn’t blame you for being human.
Resources:
Alice's Refinery29 article:
https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/2021/04/10403226/get-over-someone-you-never-dated
Eisenberger et al., 2003: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/14551436
Eisenberger, 2012: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3273616
Kross et al., 2011: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3076808
Allen & Leary, 2010: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2914331
Koch, 2020: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/01973533.2020.1726748
Beato et al., 2021: https://www.mdpi.com/1660-4601/18/4/2017
Stutts et al., 2022: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10653232
Baumeister et al., 2002: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/11881675
Shields et al., 2016: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27474311
Fisher et al., 2010: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3612400
Hazan & Shaver, 1987 summary: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1988-13004-001
Chapters
00:00 Why Rejection Hurts More Than Logic Can Explain
02:00 Alice’s Story: A Pandemic Connection That Felt Real
05:00 How Rejection Affects the Brain Like Physical Pain
08:00 Why Rejection Makes You Spiral, Ruminate & Obsess
11:00 Dopamine, Fantasy & Why You Get Attached So Fast
14:00 What Constant Rejection Does to a Person
17:00 How Rejection Impacts Mental Health & Self-Esteem
20:00 Why Some Rejections Hit Harder Than Real Breakups
23:00 Tools for Recovery: Self-Compassion, Reframing & Regulation
27:00 Final Thoughts: You’re Not Broken — You’re Human
