Most men do not lie to get away with something.
They lie so that nobody gets upset with them.
In this episode of Internal Momentum, Ben sits down with Dr Robert
Glover, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy, to unpack what the ceiling
is actually made of when a man says he wants one thing and then
does the complete opposite.
Robert has been working on the pattern he named for thirty five
years, and at seventy he still calls himself a recovering Nice Guy.
He describes the voice that used to run in his head almost around
the clock, the one he calls the lie coach, telling him what to
leave out, what to soften, and how to keep everybody comfortable.
He shares the affair he had during his second marriage, the
ultimatum that sent him into therapy, and why he now sees that one
failure as the reason the book exists at all.
Ben and Robert explore honesty as the actual work. Telling the
truth about what you want instead of earning it sideways. Making
your own needs a priority without apology. What it costs a man to
spend decades being agreeable rather than honest. Ben opens up
about his own years as a nice guy, the relationship he walked away
from and later returned to, and the swing to the opposite extreme
that Robert calls the boundary kamikaze.
The conversation then turns to the part most men resist. Robert
makes the case that a man cannot get everything he needs from his
partner, that a partner should receive what he calls his processed
vulnerability rather than the raw version, and that the men who
break through are the ones who stopped trying to do it on their
own. He also reframes the mistakes people carry the most shame
about as the only things they can truly call their own.
If you have ever said yes when you meant no, or done something
nice while quietly hoping it would be repaid, this episode will
name the pattern out loud and show you what it takes to stop.
About the Guest
Dr Robert Glover is the author of No More Mr. Nice Guy, the book
that named and defined the Nice Guy Syndrome. He holds a PhD in
marriage and family therapy and practised for years as a licensed
marriage and family therapist before moving into full time work
with men. He now coaches, teaches, and runs small group workshops
from his home in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, alongside an
international membership community for men called Integration
Nation.
Connect with Robert:
Website: drglover.com
Community: integrationnation.net
Instagram: @drgloverofficial
YouTube: youtube.com/@DrGloverOfficial
Chapters:
00:43 Breaking Through the Invisible Ceiling
07:20 The Reluctant King: Embracing Purpose and Identity
14:04 The Power of Struggle: Finding Meaning in Mistakes
19:53 Commitment and Accountability: The Path to Transformation
29:24 The Importance of Healthy Self-Interest
30:18 Navigating Relationships and Personal Growth
35:25 Shifting Perspectives on Intimacy
40:45 The Role of Male Friendships
47:37 Processing Vulnerability and Support Systems
54:08 Breaking the Echo Chamber
59:33 The Journey of Nice Guy Recovery
01:04:19 The Power of Honesty in Relationships
01:13:59 Embracing Mistakes and Moving Forward
