Any brand of advice on the interwebs loves a good one-liner. Should you hope to retire by age 39, “Stop spending money on $7 lattes and do cardio!” Not sure what connection running a 6:40 mile has to drinking Folgers in the comfort of your own home, but sure, make of that what you will.
One liners are for entertainment and amusement. And while I’m not against a solid mantra to get me through immediate discomforts (e.g., David Goggins nagging you for “Being a little bitch!”), long-term financial health and the limping escape from America’s rat race takes a bit more prep.
“Just diversify and increase your revenue streams! I started my own business, and I went from making $80K a year to $20K a month!” Because leaving a stable financial path, rendering your professional identity moot, rearranging your life to adjust for the loss of said stable income, and learning to own, operate, and scale a business is as easy as making blueberry scones. Get the hell out of here.
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“The real path to freedom is owning a business. But you don’t have to start your own- you could just buy one, for zero dollars down! I retired my wife and 7.5 kids before I hit 24 years old!” See my response above.
One one-liner (although, in this case, a simple phrase) that has stuck with many of us comes from the playbook de Mark Cuban: “Fuck You Money.” It is the gleeful middle finger shoved directly between the beady eyes of your asshole boss without a glimmer of fear, because, well, you have money that allows you to tell them to fuck off/fuck you.
Cool, thanks Mark Cuban, I’ll go do that. With what time? What money? What step one? Will you be sponsoring my wallet for the near-future?
In support of the FU Fund, I have decided to assist my audience in creating this elusive cushion without sacrificing too much of your sanity, your matcha oat milk caramel orgy lattes, or your hair extensions. We first must reframe the idea. See below table:
Advice you will never hear from me: “Fuck them, just quit,” “Go all in on yourself, just take a chance,” “Be your own boss, F everyone!” I may believe these things in my heart for those I know have put the work in to adequately prepare for these sorts of F-word-riddled send-offs. And I don’t think any of these gems of wisdom are inherently bad. But they’re misguided and often out of touch for many young professionals, especially those who have zero skills in sales, communicating value, budgeting their money, and basic investing.
Your experiment this week, then, is simple.
Step One: Open a separate account. I like High Yield Savings Accounts (HYSAs) because they keep your money safe, they keep your money liquid, and they pay you interest instead of letting inflation suck your money dry sitting in a regular ass savings account. I use ALLY for my HYSA.
Step Two: Name it something fun. Maybe “FU Fund” doesn’t resonate with you. That’s okay! Freedom Fund, Exit Plan, Mortgage Lifter… get creative. It’s your cushion for the push-in, after all.
Step Three: Automate a small weekly transfer. But Kayla, how much? There isn’t an actual formula. I know, I hate that answer too. So I’ll give you a rock-solid, arbitrary response: $25 a week. It’s low enough that most anyone could save that amount (it’s $100 bucks a month! That’s basically 2 caramel cappuccino orgy coolers and a handful of egg white spinach cups from Starbies!)
Step Four: IGNORE IT. Do not set up notifications that it’s been taken out. Don’t even check on Friday to make sure it was taken out. The more you look at it, the more tempted you’ll be to tinker. Tinkering is no good for finance or fuck-you-funds. Automation also removes willpower, which you’re probably short on.
Why Does This Work?
If you’re reading this, it’s because your identity is in some form of disorder. You’re aching to land softly on something you have prepared mentally and financially for because the thought of spending another underpaid hour at your current gig makes you want to put out a campfire with your own face.
This experiment and reframe will hopefully move you from feeling trapped to choosing an outcome for yourself. With saving your own money and making active efforts to benefit future-you, you’re also building tolerance for risk! You’ve violated the socially-accepted code that a stable W2 job with a shitty 401K is your path to a life of financial peace. And, frankly, maybe that is peace for you. Who am I to tell you it isn’t? The overarching theme here is building financial reps through repeated experiments, all of which I will provide you. In doing so, your FU Fund will grow alongside your cajónes.
Since I love to see solid numbers coming from people preaching these sorts of things, here are a few screenshots of my monthly spending from the past quarter:
Above: This month’s spending; waaaaay down from previous months, when I allowed salary inflation to lead to lifestyle inflation (i.e., spending way more money because I had way more money)
My current FU Fund is in a state of flux because of the loss of one of my main contracts (it was bringing in nearly $4,000 a month for part-time). That sucks. Prior to my getting canned, my monthly FU Figures:
HYSA: $200
Individual Brokerage: $1500
Long-Term FU Roth IRA: Maxing out at $625/a month
Emergency Fund: Varies depending on income (I use the Albert App which analyzes all of my finances in real time, so it pulls money out automatically), although the lowest amount of money it’s pulled out each month was about $300. The highest has been nearly $1000.
How This Will Change Because I’m Basically Unemployed:
HYSA: Still $200
Individual Brokerage: On Hold.
Long-Term FU Roth IRA: Will continue to max out at $625/a month
Emergency Fund: Will continue to work its magic based on income and spending.
Options matter more than your income. I wish I would have realized this sooner!
YOUR JOB, THE READER:
1. Open your HYSA this week if you haven’t already.
2. If you’re so inclined, I would LOVE if you reply with:
A. What you named it
B. Your weekly amount
C. Anything else you’d like me to know.
Just like fear begets fear,
So too does courage.
