Sitting here having the morning coffee, listening to the Crow yell at the other birds finally, I hear a cardinal tripping the distance. Our backyard normally teaming with songbirds I hear nothing but the war of wheels on pavement and a single crow being a total shit head to the other birds.. Is the coolest morning of the summer so I’m sitting outside, which I have it done in the morning since June probably. Though it’s been a mild summer I haven’t really been here through much of it, off and on here and there.
I had a really good time last night making this video and another one. I hope it comes through how excited I am about music and what is to come in the next year with this band. I think maybe I started talking to y’all about a natural malaise that sometimes creeps into ones life and/or career. For me it’s a natural 10 to 12 year cycle, wherein I reflect on what I’ve done how it may or may not have hit the mark of my intentions, while at the same time ring in my hands and pointlessly worrying about what comes next and how that might affect all the people around me that I love. I often return to a lyric by Vic Chestnut, one of my greatest songwriting inspirations and influences. I especially love his first two records, Little and West Of Rome, respectively. There is a song off of West Of Rome, called Florida,
“ Sometimes a man must make unpopular decisions, hit that nail on the head“
And as the owner of my own business, I have to pay the cost to be the boss, as my good friend Winfield Cheek would’ve said.
Letting Winfield go was one of the hardest things i’ve done as the boss of the Shinyribs. Because I felt responsible for him. I knew there were very few options for him in the world at that point. I gave him a sizable amount of money as thanks and so as not to leave him high & dry. I encouraged him strongly to move back home closer to family, which he did not do. I saw his future with his health issues and a struggle for gainful employment. So I put myself in his shoes and I told him what I would do if I were him, I would move closer to family where people loved me and would take care of me if I need needed it. Winfield was understandably unhappy with me for a year. I suppose it was around Christmas of the following year after I let him go that he called me and said he forgave me for firing him. Which I thought was very brave and honest of him. I was moved and I was grateful that we were still friends. The decision I made was primarily based on my Music product that I was putting on the stage each night. His health and mental state were just not up to the rigors and beat down of touring as an independent band. I mean it is a strenuous thankless exhausting endeavor for the young and the healthy. When you get guys up in their 50s and 60s, it gets really tough because natural aging just starts changing our bodies and makes us less resilient. Musicians at the end of their life have a hard row/road to hoe. And that’s why I do support organizations like H. O. M. E. Or housing opportunities for musicians and entertainers. Marcia Ball started this organization for Miss Lavelle, one of our most cherished and beloved local singers. She was a diva before they even had the word diva. A true queen of soul, Austin’s queen of soul. H. O. M. E Helped Winfield considerably as did HAAM health alliance for Austin musicians. Choppy and Tiger too really went above and beyond to help Win out. I don’t know how grateful Winfield was for that. But as I said, he was not of sound mind and body, and he only got worse as time went on.
I say all this to couch a bit the changes that are taking place within the band these days. I’m used to it now. One thing is for sure, change is certain, it’s going to happen so you might as well just roll with it baby. I’ve learned at this point in my career what I wish I’d known early on is that one can always strive for excellence artistically while also treating people with dignity and respect. Sometimes relationships just reach their natural termination point. Looking back I can feel and see where I should have ended certain relationships. But I lingered and I worried, I was indecisive. Even though I didn’t have to be indecisive. I just didn’t want to hurt anyone. And I didn’t want to hurt myself or my family economically. I see there were other forces at work at that time in my life. But what I know now is that I had already made the decision in my heart. It was just my brain that made me doubt that decision. Whereas now I don’t have as much time. None of us do. I don’t have time to sit around and worry about who I’m gonna make boo-hoo. I’m not here to coddle and calm others. Though I am always respectful and considerate. My chief responsibility is to myself and my artistic vision, to follow my muse. This is why I’m here. I will never throw anyone under a bus, but I will buy him a ticket back home.
