Slow Down, No Slower, Even Slower. I hear over and over again.
I literally have to convince myself that its OK to slow down, one because its insane of me to think in a year alone I could possibly play catch up from the extensive time of unsafely and unsettledness experienced prior whilst still navigating my own mental terrain, holding awareness for my physical needs especially since for once, I am able to be completely present or trying to as well as manage the mental anguish from the environment I find myself in. It’s been 33 weeks, 231 days, and as I write I’m astonished that once again I have coped, sober and still trying.
What is it they say God loves a trier.
What I realise is I am getting plenty done but I have to eradicate these timelines, I do not know where they come from, well I do, we all do but I really have to give myself permission to go slowly.
I am not trying to cut corners nor am I in a race and so I know why I am constantly reminding myself to slow down.
I feel like the milestones people get to have and achieve or at least the way society states it should be done is not nor has it
ever been ideal/celebratory for me and so its like being in a race whilst the world around you is hurtling forward, some days you’re stuck in reverse or merely just on pause whilst being treated as though its audacious of you to be there, present at that pace.
The only thing speed does is get you to the next destination very quickly, when right now speed is the last thing I need.
This stage actually feels like the growing period required by a seed and as we all know seeds cannot be rushed.
Rushing causes anxiety and I just don’t have the capacity for any more of that.
So here I am taking a break and writing through it.
I hope you are able and willing to honour your pace.
And remember: “To Love Thyself Would Be An AwfullY BIG Adventure.” Lahayla Dahlia Lore
