Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 158 entitled “Appreciation.” Appreciation seems like a simple emotional need but it can really cause problems in a relationship when one needs it and the other does not. Where is it needed? How is it met? What happens when it's not met? We'll be taking a look at all things appreciation at The Table this evening.
Appreciation
What is it? - Expressing thanks, praise or commendation. Recognizing accomplishment or effort particularly for what someone does.
What causes it?
Having it met constantly as a child
NOT having it met as a child
Where is it needed?
For gifts and favors
For meaningful conversations/relational interactions
For who you are as a person
Your relationship to others (similar to belonging)
Your characteristics
Your talents/hobbies/abilities
For everyday chores responsibilities
How is it met?
Verbal expressions
Written expressions - notes, cards, texts.
Public expressions - social media, social gatherings, family events
How is it not met/how are we hurt by not receiving it?
Not giving it
Giving it to others
How do we “steal” it when it is not met?
Giving it when we want it.
Asking about that for which we would like to be appreciated
Stopping doing the things for which we’d like to be appreciated
Stopping doing other things for other people
Drawing attention to our hurt
Slamming drawers, acting out
Detaching from others
Verbal sighs/groans, physical posture/facial expressions
Getting the need met elsewhere
When we do not receive appreciation, how are we hurt?
Fear - almost manic attempt to do things better
Guilt
Believing that you haven’t done enough to get appreciation
Believing that you haven’t appreciated others enough
Self Condemnation
The feeling that one’s actions are not worth appreciating
The feeling that one’s self is not worthy of appreciation
Anger
Not doing that which you wanted appreciation
Not meeting others needs
Spending time getting it met elsewhere
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