Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight is episode 154 entitled “Bad Patterns in Relationships.” We all fall into bad patterns in our relationships. Why does that happen? What is really behind it all? How can we possibly break that destructive cycle? Is there hope?
Pull up a chair at the table and join us!
Bad Patterns
What are they?
Cyclical conflict in a relationship
Having the same fight over different details
What are their characteristics?
Every decision/conflict is handled the same way and it is not productive
Every major conflict is about the same “thing” with different causes for the incident
What causes it?
General - conflict between where hurts go
Anger/Guilt
Anger/Self Condemnation
Fear/Guilt
Fear/Self Condemnation
Anger & Fear look outward, Guilt & Self Condemnation inward’
Procedural
Conflict between emotional needs
Opposite “need” of needs in general
Respect vs. Security
Affection vs. Security/Respect
Encouragement vs. Support
Attention vs. Acceptance
Not being open, honest and vulnerable
Not communicating the need - open
Stealing the need - honest
Being afraid (perhaps rightfully so) that the need won’t be met - vulnerable
Not mutually giving - one or both of the people are not loving the other by meeting an OHV communicated need.
Unresolved Hurts
Past hurts outside of a relationship that have not been comforted
Past hurts within a relationship that have not been confessed, understood and forgiven
Inhibits intimacy which prohibits the meeting of other needs
Reduces the impact of other needs being met
Clouds or diminishes an altruistic attempt to meet a need
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