Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight’s episode 248 is entitled “Emotional Reasoning”. Emotions are a good thing right? It is important to focus on them isn’t it? How can they be used in a destructive manner? THAT’S what we’re talking about at The Table this evening!
Pull up a seat at the table and join us!
Emotional Reasoning Outline
* Simple Description - Feelings are interpreted as facts
* Description
* Feelings are the result of emotional needs being met or not met
* Feelings are confused with facts.
* Feelings are also confused with thoughts.
* A person may say “I just don’t feel that you care,” which means that since I don’t feel your care, it does not matter what you say, you don’t care.
* The ER ascribe motivation to the reason for the unmet need
* Background
* Person may have suffered deep emotional trauma in childhood, such as physical or sexual abuse.
* May have frequently felt afraid but didn’t receive any help dealing with their fears.
* May have seen emotional reasoning modeled.
* May have experienced broken promises, prompting, “I’ll believe it when I see it.”
* Truth
* Even though I “feel it,” it may not be true.
* Feelings are feelings, no more and no less. They are not facts.
* When I say “I feel that...”, I’m really expressing a thought and I may be expressing feelings such as hurt, fear, or anger. If so, I need to identify what the real emotional needs are and then vulnerably express them.
* Rather than dealing with the hurt, I am making an absolute statement instead.
* Effect Upon a Relationship
* Accusations can fly about based not on any evidence, but only a feeling,
* Such a relationship will be dominated by fear and mistrust.
* The other person will be left frustrated and often shut down.
* Overcoming Emotional Reasoning
* Accept the truth that feelings have their place but they can’t take the place of truth.
* Notice incidents when emotional reasoning has been allowed to take over.
* Allow your partner to talk about this with you.
* Take wrong thoughts captive and think about the true responses.
* Example: your partner is late getting home.
* Your reaction: “I just know he/she is with someone else.”
* Consequences of the reaction: accusing, attacking, angry, and resentful
* Renewed response: “There is probably a good reason for their delay. ”With more truthful thinking, the response to your partner upon their arrival can be, “I get very concerned when you arrive later than expected.”
