“Philosophy teaches us to act, not to speak.” — Seneca, Letters, 20.1
Shut up!
No, seriously.
Stop telling the world. Stop updating the fam. Stop impressing the gram.
If you’re broadcasting what you’re up to or the big plan ahead, you’re probably making a mistake. If you’re name-dropping and holding up accomplishments for the crowd's admiration, that’s still a mistake, but for entirely different reasons.
You can call it being humble if you want, or “don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched,” but we don’t need virtue or aphorisms to explain the benefits.
The claim I’d like to explore: Silence is a massive advantage in a world obsessed with spilling the beans. The average American’s life will is bettered by talking less, listening more, and keeping their cards close to their chest.
Teddy’s Loud Silences:
“Let your plans be dark and impenetrable as night, and when you move, fall like a thunderbolt.” — Sun Tzu, The Art of War
Theodore Roosevelt was losing the battle.
Elected to the New York State Assembly in 1882, he found himself surrounded by corrupt politicians demanding bribes for their votes and relying on mafia-like political machines to win elections.
During his first days in Albany, Roosevelt made the mistake of broadcasting his intentions. His reform speeches — so successful with voters — drew boos and heckles. His motions were voted down. His opponents were waiting for him.
After numerous failures, he noticed machine bosses squashing motions to debate embarrassing bills; dirty laundry must not be aired, was the throughline. He watched machine stooges trudge to the capital to vote on their bosses’ pet bills and then leave to get hammered in Albany’s taverns.
So one day, 30 minutes before adjournment, Roosevelt struck.
He demanded a debate on his motion to investigate a corrupt New York City Machine-sponsored judge who’d grown rich by manipulating share prices with his rulings. By this point in the day, many of the worst assemblymen were drunk in the city, and Roosevelt got a slim majority to agree to a debate.
Roosevelt’s rousing denunciation brought cheers from the honest assemblymen, and the newspapers swung into action. The public learned how bad the situation was, and pressure mounted against the political machines. A few days later, the machines buckled, and an overwhelming vote handed Roosevelt investigative authority. He used it to cement his reputation as an incorruptible, fearless reformer.
The future president used this trick for the rest of his life. On one hand, he never turned down opportunities to broadcast his principles and thoughts about the nation — his speeches were renowned and his books bestsellers. He knew we can’t stay silent if we want our ideas to percolate. But on the other hand, he kept quiet about his specific intentions and plans until after he’d “fallen like a thunderbolt,” and caught opponents off guard.
As a New York City police commissioner, Roosevelt surprised negligent police officers at 3 a.m. when they should have been patrolling, but were instead lounging about. As Civil Service Commissioner, he stepped off overnight trains to document mismanaged post offices before the evidence could be buried. Political opponents routinely found themselves surprised, shaken, and outflanked by his unexpected legislative maneuvers.
Modern psychology research explains why we should consider this strategy, even if we’re not among the world’s movers and shakers.
The Well-Intentioned Opposition
“Talkers are no good doers. Be assured, we go to use our hands and not our tongues.”— William Shakespeare, Richard III, Act I, sc. 3
Those who hate you and your goals will oppose you, of course. And competitors are going to compete. This is uncontroversial.
But most people think they can talk freely because they don’t move in those circles. They’re not playing that game.
They’re wrong. Many roadblocks are thrown up by ostensibly well-intentioned — or at least neutral — people. Our competitors and opponents may not be who we think they are. They might even be our friends.
Those lacking in self-esteem are threatened by our rise. If you grow, they worry they’ll be left behind and move to keep you down. Every improvement you make is a potential rebuke to their complacency.
This is part of why our excellence is so often opposed.
The “power moves” of young women is a particularly interesting study. When facing physically attractive romantic competitors, women turn to gossip seeded with landmines to undermine them. The lower their self-esteem, the more likely they are to transmit negative information to friends.
Researchers have found evidence of this sort of “friendly” sabotage taking place in even minor competitions — school, fitness classes, and goal-oriented network devices like Fitbit. If your ascent threatens someone’s self-image, they may move to undermine you.
But I’ve noticed something similar from those who are rooting for us. Nervous loved ones experience increased anxiety if you make changes or take smart risks. They want great things for you, but pursuing those things seems to hurt them. So they nag and engage in subtle resistance, perhaps not seeing the big picture of their opposition. These are psychological drags that waste our limited energies.
It would be great if they learned to deal with stress and anxiety in a healthy way, but that’s probably not realistic. The wiser course may be telling them as little as possible. Let them enjoy your success once it’s in the bag and spare them the worry. Just make sure your actions align with virtue and your silence is not an injustice.
Yet opposition isn’t the most important reason to keep silent about our intentions.
The Battle Between Talking and Doing
“I have a perfect horror of words that are not backed up by deeds.” — Theodore Roosevelt, 1915 Letter
Maybe the best reason to keep goals under wraps is that broadcasted goals are handicapped and may never recover.
People broadcasting identity-related goals — “I’m going to become a scientist and conquer cancer! After I pass the bar, I’ll stand up for the downtrodden in court!” — have less follow-through than those keeping their intentions private.
Announcing goals can trigger dopamine release, which feels great, reinforcing the tendency to spout off about objectives. Researchers call this “social reality,” a fake, imagined reality that hits the brain in a similarly pleasing way to actually advancing towards a new reality. Our brains mistake effortless declarations for actual achievements. The dopamine gets “spent” early. In other words, in the eternal resource war between talking and doing, talking often wins, leaving doing impoverished.
There’s another side to this. Proclaiming identity-related goals eats up cognitive maneuvering room. Broadcasting your intent to be a thing lets that label into your identity, almost guaranteeing that you’ll be stupider and less flexible. It’s hard to think critically about topics orbiting your new label without cognitive dissonance striking hard, so you’re unlikely to do it.
I try to avoid lying, and luckily, if we’re honest about not labeling ourselves and where we’re going and just try to live in the moment, we can speak truthfully about what we’re doing.
* You’re not training for the ultra, you’re going for a long run and trying to get faster.
* You’re not gunning for a promotion, but trying to stay ahead of your workload.
* You’re not health binging, but just really love how salads and vegetables make you feel.
* You’re not “getting all spiritual,” you just need to meditate to stay grounded.
My general rules for myself:
* If I’m struggling, I only talk about it with someone who can help me with the problem.
* If I broadcast a goal, it’s never for s***s and giggles. I wait till I’m facing headwinds and then I specify a concrete deadline I promise to hit and the price I’ll pay if I don’t meet it.
Here’s What To Do Instead:
“The wise man therefore retires into silence, and if he allows himself to come out of it, he does so in the shade and before few and fit persons.” — Baltasar Gracián, The Art of Worldly Wisdom, 3.
There’s a fascinating exception to this rule. Maybe talking doesn’t always subtract from doing.
Researchers have found that revealing goals to those with “higher status” and expertise in a subject does increase follow-through rather than reducing it. Think experts, industry veterans, and mentors. Perhaps because these people know what doing and achieving goals entails, you know you can’t get away with coasting and falling short in their eyes.
But if you’re like me, you often find yourself having no experts and mentors to talk to. I knew no runners when I ran my first marathon. I knew no small business owners when I started my first one in 2008. I wish I’d known someone who’d tamed colitis so I could have skipped many stumbles figuring it out for myself.
Luckily, we can get much of the benefit real mentors provide, even if we’re isolated. We do this by selecting mental mentors and journaling using the ancient illeism journaling technique of Marcus Aurelius and other ancient thinkers. I’ve found no better way to focus myself, clarify what I’m doing, and give myself great advice.
So if you’re tempted to spill the beans, consider doing it in front of someone who’s been six feet under for two millennia.
Thanks for reading Socratic State of Mind.
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