Hi! I am Parul. My ancestors are from South Asia and I was born on Turtle Island. I am currently living in Bali, Indonesia. I use poetry, prose, poetic frames to unravel entanglements of our thoughts, feelings and experiences. Call it an evolving decolonization practice that is liberating the many intelligences our existence contains.
☝🏽 I read you this newsletter, or you can read it yourself! 👇🏽
I dyed my hair silver. My new do has racer stripes, and is the edgiest, funkiest hair cut my imagination could wander to. I think it looks dope AF. 🔥
I never thought I could ever be good at surfing. I tried to surf in different places in the world in different moments of my life and loved it. I currently live in a surf town called Uluwatu on the island of Bali in Indonesia, and make attempts to surf regularly. Every time I get in the water I feel equally terrified and exhilarated. 🙃
Why the f*** am I sharing these two seemingly random life facts with you? Well, they both have something in common:
Both of these ideas and now actions were so far fetched from my world view that a past version of myself didn’t even make them an aspiration, a goal, a dream. Basically, I didn’t even know these things were a possibility for me.
Now that I am doing both of these things, and love them. I realize that I have wanted to do them for a long time. I just never admitted it to myself.
And obviously the natural next question is, why did I believe that they were not possible for me?
TBH I never saw anyone who liked like me with wild hair or surfing when I was growing up. Sure people on TV, but like they weren’t real to me. Taking it a step further having a unique hairstyle was un-welcomed and not allowed in my upbringing. And surfing was a terrifying act since my family didn’t venture to far into the ocean.
When taking a mini survey of other brown folks I realized there is a shared experience:
* Brown folks are scared of the ocean, of water, and so many don’t know how to swim. Nature is a wild place and we don’t adventure there.
* Wild hair is the antithesis of Asian beauty standards.
* I guess surfing is also the antithesis of Asian beauty standards — tanned skin is not aligned with the archaic belief that only fair skin is beautiful.
This was further validated by:
—> finding IG accounts like @browngirloutdoorworld (28K followers too 🤯)
—> campaigns highlighting the internalized colourism that asians are subjected to by others in their culture and as a result subjected themselves too.
—> then my own hair journey of #reclaimingbald and how challenging and interesting that was.
Now take this thought and extrapolate it to your whole life. WTF else are you not even allowing yourself to be, or dream of?
Are you making space for little cracks of different to pierce into your life?
Are you finding little (new) courageous things to do each week?
Do you live within the bounds of your comfort, or have you found some of your edges? If you have found some of your edges, what are you doing with them?
These questions are practical, but if you are so far from removed from exploring outside your norm they may seem philosophical or even esoteric. I lean into the beautiful writing of Francis Weller to share his thoughts on the human experience:
“Every one of us will be taken to the edge, pulled by the gravity of soul to engage the rigors of ripening us into something substantial. No one is exempt. Imagine if we could see the circumstances of our lives as the raw material necessary for the movement across the threshold into our adult lives. This could free us in radical ways. From a mythic perspective, these are the conditions that can cook the soul and bring us closer to the mystery of our own singular incarnation.” — Francis Weller, In the Absence of the Ordinary
Taken to the edge.
Each decision you make you have a choice to be taken to the edge or stay within your zone of comfort. This new hair do and surfing are a by-product of so, so, so many mini decisions to push my personal boundaries of my identity, therefore my actions, and inevitability where I dream and spend my energy.
Taken to the edge
Have we become passive at pursuing the edges of our existence? There are some who still pursue the edges, generally those who have nothing to lose. Or perhaps life’s seat is feeling very comfortable, and when you find edges they are quickly classified as feeling anxious or anxiety.
Taken to the edge
What would it mean to dig beyond the realms of socially acceptable dreams, and to imagine a life beyond the path laid before you?
To carve a new path, to pioneer or forge a new existence, which isn’t necessarily required, but generally experienced by each person within themselves in large or small ways.
Walking the line of fear, discomfort and possibility.
I offer you a poema reminder to feed your heartyour dreamsyour soul
dream plants
do you really need to water them all the time?i don’t know think somaybe it’s like a succulent needs exposure to the sun and beingness blink your eyes and it sprouts
instructions : plant the seedforget about it aka don’t obsess over it remember it from time to time subconsciously if you really believe it you will oh ya and when you plant the seedgive it lots of kisses and attentionyour whole heart has got to desire itbecause it grows out of love and other things too tbh I cannot dismiss privilege, access, safety sidebar emotions are your powerthey are the true planters of your seedand belief digs the holeburying it deep enough to be lovingly nourished the sprout comes with faithand letting go of the howlike planting a tomato planttell me you know the physiology of its growth patterns bless the science students out there for most of yah, you have no f*****g clue and that’s okayno needyou trust with time and nurtureit too shall unfold the how is contained in the mystery of life and the fruits, or vegetables, of your loving attention is revealeddid you wish it to existence? Or manifest it? or let it be the beingness persists
grateful for your presence, your attention and your energy much love ❤️ 🤎Parul
p.s. please do leave a comment. I would love to know how this resonates. 😘
