Hi! I am Parul. My ancestors are from South Asia, I was born on Turtle Island in Tkaronto, and I currently live on the island of Bali in Indonesia. I use poetry, prose, poetic frames to unravel entanglements of our thoughts, feelings and experiences. Call it an evolving decolonization practice that is liberating the many intelligences our existence contains.
☝🏽 I read you this newsletter, or you can read it yourself! 👇🏽
pre-letter guide: This letter is a collection of poems, prose, and quotes. Each collection brings forward an energy, an intention. Non-linear by design, allowing space for all your intellects (emotional, intellectual, intuitive) to wander in the paths that serve you in this present moment.
the complexity lies in the intricacy
where one moments startsthe other endsheld together by trustthat all of this lifeis truly meant to beas you area tapestry weaved so delicately
Many of us seek community solely to escape the fear of being alone. Knowing how to be solitary is central to the art of loving. When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as a means of escape. — Bell Hooks
it’s hard to rememberin a city so big it is difficult to surrenderdrowning in street lightsendless flow of noise and light transmuted to different stories in different bodies
no central focusno beating hearteach pocket, each neighbourhood an amoeba with mildly porous boundaries firmer boundaries in the minds eye that east and west separated by a river of concrete, the 405 and all its car heatdivisions we create are illusions we meet
the connection that we seekis in the peak of the isolation that we meet an inner begging to be seen when everything feels torrential tormenting terrifying glacial epidermis horizons dimmed but then you get to seethe light within
Made for societySomething I don’t want to be, you’ll seeOnce I’m free
I was raised to be a womanI was raised to please a manI don’t understand why I have to sacrifice everything that I am
— from the song “Balance Doubt” by hapi & Cellar Door
it is hard not to fall to your knees when thinking through all the moments you’ve survived
Everything is waiting for you by David Whyte
Your great mistake is to act the dramaas if you were alone. As if lifewere a progressive and cunning crimewith no witness to the tiny hiddentransgressions. To feel abandoned is to denythe intimacy of your surroundings. Surely,even you, at times, have felt the grand array;the swelling presence, and the chorus, crowdingout your solo voice. You must notethe way the soap dish enables you,or the window latch grants you freedom.Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.The stairs are your mentor of thingsto come, the doors have always been thereto frighten you and invite you,and the tiny speaker in the phoneis your dream-ladder to divinity.
Put down the weight of your aloneness and ease into theconversation. The kettle is singingeven as it pours you a drink, the cooking potshave left their arrogant aloofness andseen the good in you at last. All the birdsand creatures of the world are unutterablythemselves. Everything is waiting for you.
Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.
Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.
Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.
The uprise in awareness of emotional health allows us to believe that we are not delusional or “crazy” for feeling deep grief and sadness when we feel disconnected from others.
It is called primal panic.
This is when you need to be connected to people in order to survive. You find safety in emotional connection. And you experience danger or threat in emotional disconnection.
Society values people who are independent and self sufficient. But really — who the f**k is independent?
There are no islands of people. Your plate of fruits, vegetables, proteins is international. It is likely not from your backyard (but if it is that is so, that is beautiful), it is unlikely all grown within 100km of your home.
You’re out of season orange. The apple you crave in the tropics. Is from all geographies.
Self sufficiency is a fallacy.
It is propagated by capitalism. Since individualism is a highly lucrative business. When everyone needs their own everything.
Your emotions are your power. Your feelings are valid. Our need for connectedness is real.Interconnected is simply a fact.
It is felt the ground we share.The planet we live on
Do everything for your nervous system.
(I do.)Your nervous is where your groundedness lives.It is your internal home.It is your compass to now.
what does your nervous system do when you come into a familiar spacea place you know where everything goes
does staleness arise?or uniformitybanin sentiments is this a feeling you despise? where does one repairwhen there is no home to be thereholding you the container of your existence outside the skin you need some resistance from the external flow of things a safe place to recollectto piece together versions of you that need mending and rest as the tides of the world ripplechaotic waves in your bodythere is a need to protect to find a safe cornera Homesafety in familiar
to manage all that lingersnewness uncertainty where your heart can heal your nervous system can mendfrom the ruptures of the worldbecause it feels like there is no end
Home has been a fluid space.
how do you be tall when the earth below your toes keeps moving and rolling, over and over. how do you be tall when inside your energy feels small? how do you be tall when all you want to do is crawl up in a ball?
with courage from the sun. holding from the moon. gazing to the stars. you realize you are brighter than you think you are.
With the heat of the day. Caressing your face. Life force energy washing you, bathing you with the light of life. How can you not acknowledge the wonder of life. When the sun turns seeds into trees. Photosynthesis.
to be in a place for long enoughto sit still for awhileto find that inner earth to ground into the now
Much love 💙💛💚Parul // @parulbee
