At this age, their age, being together is a rare thing, not a given; a precious Here we are! that I catch in my hands and hold up to the light to remember. They are grown and I am grown and we swoop in at moments of worlds colliding, the end of summer, the beginning of work, just such this happened yesterday in London.
I had meetings, two of them, both long and twice yearly. The morning for someone else’s business, the afternoon for me and mine which is theirs which Jacobi came to. There’s a moment when it’s time to sit at the table, and we, the directors have been discussing this for a decade. When’s the right time? Should they be called or do we let them wander in at will? Luckily the stars had a plan. On the phone I mentioned it, and Jacobi said, Can I come? It took me a moment. Money is a funny thing. My children will have to work but the great privilege of their lives is that they’ll be able to pursue work they love. Building that ethic and verve, that lust for life and clear focus is a delicate thing. Too much, and why bother, too little and their dreams will sail on by.
He came. He asked questions. He was himself in a room that could have been intimidating if he hadn’t grown up believing all life to be equal. I was proud of him. Success is measured in heartbeats.
To Waterloo, the clock and our rendezvous with Blake who got snagged on a tube train and was late but unflustered and suddenly, in a wildly crowded train, we were together telling stories of our summer with voices a little too loud but the man behind us was laughing. Every second of our eighteen years together flashed like the fading scenery of London as we picked up speed out of city and towards home. My little poppets with their rucksacks and soft toys and trusting hands in mine. The games we played on trains choosing things to spot, the more unlikely the more points awarded; A man in a Santa hat! in summer. Someone with one leg in matching sports gear! We actually saw that. How they’d cluster around me for snacks and books and answers, how they’d fall asleep at funny angles. How time passed without them noticing but suddenly here we were, these magnificent humans and me on a train that decided in Woking it had had enough of this railway lark and gave up the ghost altogether.
Four thousand commuters disgorged onto damp platform, so thick with bicycles and briefcases we turned tail and got an Uber. While we waited, a man with a huge Jesus flag and microphone told us all how we could be saved while his accomplice in frou-frou net skirt got deep into skipping for God. Jacobi and Blake walked up to her. I’m not sure how the conversation went, but when we piled into the car come to take us the final leg, Jacobi said, Don’t go in with an agenda of changing someone’s mind. Start off with a, ‘hi, how are you’, and find out. Success is measured in heartbeats.
Eleanor
