What if your so-called “attachment issues” aren’t personal but political? Attachment Theory, wrapped in the authority of science, is less about psychology and more about empire, policing intimacy, erasing Indigenous kinship, and repackaging colonial violence as developmental norms. From British boarding schools to the algorithm-driven self-diagnosis spiral, this essay dismantles how psychology became the empire’s favourite weapon of control. It is where survival is pathologised, and whiteness is the cure.