This was originally published in May of 2023. My kids were approaching high school and I figured if I didn’t want them to drink, I had to model it. It’s been a good decision.
Getting sober requires you to make sacrifices. Here are some of the things you will have to give up when you stop drinking:
* No more groggy mornings that you have to “push through”
* No more petty arguments with the people you love that seem to spring up without any reason
* No more missing out on important events because you lacked the clarity to be present
* Fewer careless words that you might later regret
I think once you make the connection about what you’re really giving up, the whole process becomes a lot easier.
Every time I write about drinking, I find myself wanting to state “I didn’t really have a problem.” However, the last time I thought those words, I found myself stopping to wonder why.
Why did I feel the need to say that?
Why was it important to me that those words be part of the article? “I didn’t really have a problem” is the second cousin of “I can quit whenever I want.”
The more I think about it, the more I begin to suspect that I might have had more of a problem than I ever realized. This is just one of the many things I’ve come to better understand after two months of sobriety.
Sober October
I have a cousin who always practices sober October. For those of you who don’t know, sober October is exactly what it sounds like. You simply go the month of October without drinking.
I think this idea is both good and bad. It’s good in that it gives you an idea of what life can be like when you stay sober. However, it’s bad because it might make you think that your ability to stop for a month is proof that you don’t have a problem.
My cousin was a very heavy drinker. One day, about October 15th, I was chatting with him and he said that his students recognized he always had a lot more energy in October.
“That’s sad when you think about it,” I said.
My cousin laughed, and I don’t think he really recognized the tragedy of his situation.
For a lot of kids out there, a good teacher can be the difference between having a chance in life and not making it. Let’s face it, there are too many kids in our society who don’t make it.
Their ability to “make it” can depend on a teacher having enough energy in a classroom. If you’re drinking, you rob those kids of that opportunity.
A kid who says, “You have more energy this month,” is a kid who is asking for help. Everybody always says that we need to “appreciate” each other more. That appreciation doesn’t always come in the forms we recognize.
“Thank you for being present.”
“No problem kid, but don’t get used to it, I’ll be drinking again come November.”
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The sacrifices you don’t see
Life is better when you’re sober, but it’s better in a subtle way. It’s better the same way you don’t notice it when the temperature is comfortable.
When it’s too hot, you say, “It’s too HOT!”
When it’s too cold, you say, “It’s too COLD!”
When the temperature is just right, you don’t say anything. You’re thinking about other things. You engage with the people around you. Your focus is in the right place. You create lasting memories and connections and you never even recognize that all of this is due to the fact that the temperature was perfect and you didn’t even notice.
Being sober is like spending your life at the perfect temperature. A lot of petty squabbles and discomforts disappear.
I still think about drinking
This weekend we had temperatures in the mid seventies and sunny skies. In the afternoon, I sat with my family on the patio and fired up the grill. Everything was perfect. The idea of having a beer floated through my mind.
I haven’t had a beer in probably four months. The last time I had a drink was a bottle of wine on March 6th. Before that, I hadn’t been drinking as part of my training for an athletic event.
Even after all these months, it’s still a conditioned habit to reach for a beer. In those moments, I have to remind myself that the temperature is perfect. I don’t want to start fiddling with the thermostat.
Short-term high vs long-term satisfaction
I’ve been more keenly aware of my stresses over the last few months. Sometimes the little devil on my shoulder tries to tell me that I “deserve” a “break” from them.
He’s getting easier to ignore, but he still whispers.
The more I think about this, more and more I’ve come to the conclusion that our whole society would have much less of a problem with addiction if we made life easier for everyone. We all struggle with thoughts about money. We’re all fearful of the future. Politics is a constant irritation. People are simply not equipped to handle all that pressure.
But drinking only makes it worse.
There are other ways to give yourself a break from your stresses besides drinking.
* Take a vacation (if you can afford one)
* Take a break from the internet
* Go camping
* Go on a run or a bike ride
It’s important to remember that there are other means of escape.
Again, this is something that I’ve found has gotten easier because, due to sobriety, I’m more equipped to handle my stresses. Those little “breaks” you take have a greater cost than you recognize. When you’re sober, you start to make more money. That will help you chip away at the various debts and whatnot that are causing you stress.
Drinking makes you forget. Forgetting doesn’t make the problem go away.
Staying sober empowers you to make progress reducing the amount of weight you carry on your back. Every day you don’t drink removes a grain of sand from your burden. Those grains of sand start to add up.
Every time you drink, you might feel a short term high, but you ADD two grains of sand. That also adds up.
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I never wanted to drink anyway
I’ve always been more inclined to protect my clarity of thought. I had a beer or two in high school, but I ended up distancing myself from the friends I had who were into that. I didn’t drink throughout college. I started drinking more when I lived in Peru starting at age 26.
I’ve been dialing back my drinking lately because I’m closing in on 50. I still feel strong, but I’m also feeling the effects of age. I have to wear reading glasses now. I want to preserve the faculties that I have.
When you’re in your 20s, 30s, and 40s, drinking is part of the natural social setting. These days I spend most of my time with my kids. My kids don’t drink, so why should I?
Over the last few months, I feel my work has gotten better. I feel my relationships with my wife and kids have smoothed out. We always had a good relationship, but why be satisfied with “good.” Why not level up to “great?”
I used to feel an impulse to escape certain problems. It turns out drinking contributed to those problems.
We’ll see how this goes. Maybe I’ll try for a year just to see what happens.
If you “don’t have a problem,” then why stop at sober October? Why not turn one month into two? Why not turn two months into a year? Why not live the rest of your life at a comfortable temperature?
If you give sober a try, you might be surprised to discover how many of the little irritations in your life magically begin to disappear.
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