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This week’s pod is a bit of a left turn. Instead of focusing on a conversation this week, I engaged in a bit of an experiment and a dash of collaboration. No worries, though. It’s a one-time thing for now. Rest assured I will be back next time with one of the sort of conversations you’ve already grown to love and expect here at Matty C HQ.
Recently, I had reached out to my friend and previous guest, Barry Hummel about the possibility of adding some sound design to a recorded version of this story. He took my rough draft and added just a hint of sound design and sent it back to me.
While I liked what he had done, I was less than thrilled with my own performance. Nevertheless, I felt enthused by Barry’s additions and encouragement and set to re-recording my narration a second time with a renewed sense of confidence and purpose.
While it was not deflated completely on the first try, that confidence quickly ebbed. The original story was something of which I was immensely proud, but it was not structured to be presented as an audio piece. As I tried to re-record each section, I tensed up. The resultant retakes were eventually jettisoned, and I considered just chalking this up to a learning experience. Or I could just let it eat at me like a gnawing failure. Clearly, this was my move.
This is a classic ADHD/Anxiety symptom/flare-up for me. Try a little. Try a little more. Try a little . . . oh that wasn't good . . . you are a complete failure. Fixate upon it.
Repeat. Do not rinse. Fixate. Do not pass go. Fixate again. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
This is a good episode of what I believe to be a very good podcast. It is not the best work that I will do. It is not the worst. What it is now, is finished work. Work that I have delivered. It’s also very much at the very heart of what I am doing here.
I worry that this space might become too much about my mental health, my journey and my story. Those truths about me are why I do what I do, and they are why I do that work the way that I do it. They are not however, the sum total of me as a person.
I choose to be seen as a musician, a writer, a father, a husband, a designer, a friend, a podcaster, an activist, an empath and more before I will ever identify as a sufferer of mental illness. It is a piece of me. It is a section of my soul that makes up a part of what makes me Matty C; the good and the bad.
Even if I focus on the best of myself as I tell these stories, I will never grow unless I share them with others. This experimental episode has allowed me to explore ways in which I might use audio to tell some of the stories I have already published here, and how it might affect the pieces I will publish going forward.
The conversations that are the cornerstone of this podcast will remain a foundational part of what I am doing here. The spark of that connection is like a drug for me and the high is only enhanced when I get to share those chats with all of you. This episode is a sort of sign to me that there is a way to use this space to tell stories in more than one way.
Thanks for listening and reading, for sharing and subscribing, for your support and encouragement as we continue to build and evolve this space.
I’d love to hear what you all thought of this.
I already know that Ira Glass doesn't need to worry about me stealing his job.
That’s cool with me. I love this work right here.
Cheers,Matty C
