Hi friend!
It’s no exaggeration to say I’ve been a fan of Susan Cain for years. Thanks to her mega bestseller Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, I was finally able to articulate something I’d always kind of known about myself but didn’t have the language for: I’m an introvert! And I’ve heard from many, many people who had the same experience after reading Susan’s book.
Despite all evidence to the contrary (hello, career as an author where I legit have to be extroverted a lot of the time), I’m sensitive. I need quiet time! Most nights, I would much rather crawl into a throw blanket with a book than go out. And that doesn’t make me bad or weird…it just makes me me. Which is why it meant so much to actually sit down with Susan for my show,A Little Thing That Helps.
Looking for rituals and tools to help you get through the tough times and ultimately live a life you ACTUALLY enjoy? That’s what this newsletter delivers every single week with guests like Susan Cain. Coming up, we have Elizabeth Gilbert and Yung Pueblo (!). Make sure you’re subscribed so you don’t miss an episode.
During our conversation, I discovered Susan and I actually have a very similar career path. Susan started as a corporate lawyer on Wall Street, and she was good at it. In a lot of ways, it suited her nature as a wordy introvert. But by the time she was seven years into her career, she realized she had another, bigger dream - and one that she’d repressed for so long that she forgot about it. Deep down, in her heart of hearts, what she wanted to be was a writer 🤦♀️
When she said that, I was thunderstruck. I TOO had a great job - at Comedy Central, running shows like Key & Peele - and yet…it felt deeply wrong until the moment I remembered, “Wait! I wanted to be a writer, what am I doing?”
Susan’s turning point in realizing she was in the wrong career wasn’t some dramatic lightning-bulb moment; it was discovering a career book at her local Barnes & Noble called Do What You Are. This book actually listed other careers she might have. It opened the aperture of what she thought was possible for her life.
Susan found the start of a new life on a shelf at Barnes & Noble. Then she went and became that book for the rest of us.
Here’s what she said in our conversation that I can’t stop thinking about:
Wear the costume to work if you have to
Susan spent years being genuinely good at a job that was not true to her. And she shared a very specific image for how she got through her office door every morning: “I remember during that period of time [being a Wall Street lawyer], literally thinking every day as I walked into the office, okay, I’m putting on my metaphorical Superman costume now. This isn’t who I really am, but I’m just donning this costume for the purposes of this job,” she told me. That’s a perfect suit of armor if I’ve ever heard it.
While it would be great if we could all quit our day jobs tomorrow to pursue our TRUE calling, Susan pointed out that that isn’t a reality for most of us. We need to make money! We need to pay off our student debt! So it’s not a “disaster” if you find yourself in a job that isn’t quite “you.” Just make sure to protect yourself, wear your Superman costume, and keep moving in the direction of what’s actually right for you. Speaking of which…
Always have two stakes in the ice
Susan didn’t use those exact words, but here’s what she told me:
“Always, always, have a backup plan, a plan B.” I like to call this having “two stakes in an ice wall.” Whenever I have a dream that seems unachievable, I imagine I’m looking up at a giant wall of ice - impossible to climb unless I put one stake in, so that I can put another stake in and slowly hoist my way up.
That is exactly how my own career has gone. When I was at Comedy Central, my other stake was writing a book. When I was writing the book, my other stake was a coaching program. Out of the coaching program came this Substack Live series. We can use our “plan Bs” or “stakes in the ice” to move to incredible heights.
And Susan points out this is a GOOD THING. Instead of it being “a grim practicality, it actually unleashes your creative self.” “If you’re not up all night worrying about how you’re going to pay the bills, then whatever time you’ve been able to carve out for the creative project [can be put to good use],” she told me. PREACH, SUSAN, PREACH!
Do you know someone who feels their career is “wrong” for them but can’t practically drop everything to pursue their true passion? Send them this newsletter. I know it will help them!
Critical feedback is good IF it comes from the right people, in the right way
Susan told me about turning in the first draft of Quiet, a draft she wasn’t entirely sure about. Her own editor told her to throw it away (and if you want to read the actual letter she received - here it is!). But, “there was another editor who said to me, ‘You know, I read the draft and it’s fine. It’s a good book. I don’t know what they’re talking about.’”
It would have been VERY tempting to take that flattering advice. But, “There was the voice in my head saying, ‘No, it’s the editor with the criticism who is the correct one,’” Susan said.
She has one major caveat on receiving feedback, especially on your creative endeavors, though: “You have to be really honest with yourself about who you are and who that other person is and what your dynamic is.” Only take feedback from people you actually trust to give it, delivered in a way that makes you want to keep going instead of quit.
Susan spent seven years being excellent at a life that didn’t exactly suit her. Then she found a book on a shelf that told her there were other options, and that set her off on an entirely new path.
I don’t want to be grandiose… but I hope this episode and Susan’s words can be that book on your shelf.
Testify
Now I want to hear from YOU: Is there a dream you’ve pushed aside for something more practical that pays the bills? I’d love to hear from you in the comments. Do you need help figuring out how you can keep climbing up the ice wall? I’d love to help - I read and reply to every single comment.
Susan’s fantastic episode wraps the first season of A Little Thing That Helps. This season has been beyond anything I could have imagined - I literally thought I was just going to do a six-episode series and then be done with it. But these conversations have been so fulfilling for everyone that we’re coming back on Tuesday, September 8, for a second season. My first guest? Elizabeth Gilbert. Yes, you read that right! Elizabeth. Gilbert! I’ll see you there.
