Technology has quietly rewritten the rules of dining out, and this episode gets into what that actually means when you sit down at the table. I’m joined by Kristen Hawley, founder of Expedite and one of the sharpest reporters covering the intersection of restaurants and tech. She shares her Five Rules for Technology in Restaurants, discussing why following a restaurant’s lead matters, how access has become the real currency of dining, and why taking an issue to the internet before addressing it in real life can cause real damage. These are practical rules for anyone who eats out and cares about how modern hospitality works right now.
It’s always a relief to get etiquette advice from someone who actually understands how restaurants operate behind the scenes. Not someone guessing, not someone shouting into the void, but an industry insider who’s spent years watching how diners, staff, and systems collide. Kristen brings clarity without being preachy and context without excuses. These are the kinds of insights that make you a better guest, help restaurants do their jobs, and remind you that a good experience is usually a shared responsibility.
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Transcription
Hello, and welcome to Five Rules for the Good Life.
I’m your host, Darin Bresnitz.
Today, I’m joined by my colleague, founder of Expedite and freelance journalist, Kristen Hawley, who’s here to share her five rules for technology in restaurants. She talks about the importance of following the restaurant’s lead when it comes to their policies, how by putting your phone away can ensure a better experience, and if there’s a problem with the dinner, to handle it IRL before you take it to the net. She is an absolute expert at the intersection of technology and dining out, and her insights are well informed and well founded. So let’s get into the rules.
Kristen, so good to see you again. Thanks for stopping by. Always a pleasure to chat with you. I’m so excited to talk. Thank you.
We met at one of the many restaurant technology conferences, and I couldn’t have found a better person to sit next to because you really report on the emerging worlds of tech and hospitality, which is something that’s really evolved to become ubiquitous these days. What fascinates you about that convergence?
I started covering this industry more than a decade ago. The same thing fascinates me that got me started, which is the way that the diner experience changes inside a restaurant because of technology is such a fascinating social experiment and observation. I moved from New York to San Francisco in 2009. I noticed the way that restaurants felt different in San Francisco, which I immediately attributed to technology because it was 2009. Twitter was new. DoorDash hadn’t started yet. And it was really just changing the way that people acted in restaurants and their expectations. So that’s how it started.
From the start to where it is today, you launched newsletter Expedite, which dives deeply into these topics. What have you found your readers responding to? What are the trends that you see sitting at the top of your most popular articles?
People are really interested in stories about access, which can be reservations. It can just be access to chefs. It can be learning about restaurants. The most popular stories on Expedite tend to be about some form of access to restaurants in new ways, in old ways, in every way.
It’s so funny because you talk about the old ways and the new ways, and it definitely is an evolving etiquette. How often do you see shifts? Is it gradual or is it a new app comes out or something drops and all of a sudden it’s a sea change?
I would say that it happens in steps, but it’s not driven by technology itself. It’s usually driven by social things. I think the biggest shift was COVID, right? That was the biggest shift in the restaurant industry generally in a lot of ways, but it really changed the way that diners experience and the way that they expect to experience restaurants. They suddenly, very suddenly, expected more from a restaurant on a tech platform. They expected better delivery. They expected fast delivery. They expected, again, access. They expected correct information. There are moments where I can see, in retrospect, a big step change. I don’t think tech is driving that. I think social and environmental changes are driving that. And then the technology is just bolstering how people experience restaurants.
I remember a time in restaurants where it was a pretty set rules of social etiquette, but those things have changed in the 15 to 20 years since I’ve been going out, especially as it relates to technology, which is why I’m so excited for you to chat about your five rules for technology in restaurants.
Yes.
Now, every restaurant is different from the mom and pop places to the Michelin stars. So it’s always good to understand where eating and what their approach is to tech, which is a big part of your rule number one.
Rule number one, when it comes to technology, please follow the restaurant’s lead. If they are using a screen or a kiosk or a QR code, God forbid, there is a reason.
Poor QR codes. Oh, so maligned. They obviously rose to prominence during COVID. They’ve evolved and some restaurants do use them for ordering for an open tab, for convenience, perhaps when they are short staffed or because they are short staffed. If there is technology inside of a restaurant, please assume that it is there because it needs to be and because the business has made a conscious decision to put it there. Sometimes you could feel even today that the tech is maybe invading your privacy or that you don’t want to share too much. Once you opt in to making a reservation or you get into the system, you’re in there all over the place. Being willing to give that information will actually help your dining experience, which aligns with your rule number two.
Yeah, this builds off the first one. The same goes for checking in, follow the restaurant’s leads. You’re probably going to be asked for your phone number or some other identifying information, even if you walk in. It’s because the restaurant wants to link your presence to your profile. You should probably want this. If you’re an avid diner and you’re going out and you’re actively participating in the hospitality economy, it is the modern way to track activity. I can appreciate that it feels a little creepy. It can feel weird that a restaurant’s tracking you. There have been some outraged headlines about this recently, especially with some open table product updates. Restaurants have been keeping notes on diners for as long as they’ve been around. Yeah. This is the modern way. This is how they do it at scale. Just give your phone number. Just give your phone number or email address. They’re not trying to steal or take anything away from you. They’re just trying to give you a good experience.
One could argue that the quality of your experience is how much you’re allowing to have tech be at your own table, which listen, we’re probably both guilty of this. I’m not going to sit here and say that I haven’t been super guilty of this, but try to think of a time and harken back to an era pre-computer in your pocket, which is your rule number three. Put your phone away.
I am so, so, so bad at this. I am so bad at this. Big rule for someone who works in the industry who needs to take photos of food. I’m gonna put an asterisk on this for several things. Photos, sure. Checking your email every five minutes, probably not. I am a frequent solo diner because I travel a lot for work. And I will say too, I try to not use my phone when I’m sitting at the bar. I try to catch up on some print New Yorkers or maybe a Kindle just for reasons of trying to appear slightly more social.
Yes. Everybody has a different tolerance for dining alone. But generally, if we’re going to complain about QR codes, if we’re going to complain about intrusions, keep the tech intrusions in your own pocket out of the experience.
You bring up a good point because sometimes it is for work. Sometimes you are there working at a dinner, restaurant critics, secret diners, influencers, things like that, especially when a new restaurant pops up. If you’re going to have to shoot or make a video at the table, please keep this in mind for your rule number four.
If you must film an influencer video or similar, consider your fellow diners. Book an early reservation, visit on a Tuesday, clear any additional lighting with a restaurant ahead of time. I recently got a confirmation email for a reservation. They like banned outfit changes. And I was like, what? What? That’s a thing that happens frequently enough that it’s in the FAQ that is emailed to a person who makes a reservation. Something I never considered. Influencing is a job. Reviewing is a job. Videos are a job. Photos are a job. I appreciate the hustle, but you got to consider the people that are dining around you. And in a dimly lit restaurant, when you break out the ring lights to take a photo, it is very intrusive and very distracting.
You’ve had your meal. You’ve gotten the content. You’ve tried to read a book with your phone in your pocket. Let’s just be honest. Maybe it was a good meal. Maybe it was a bad meal. Maybe your job is to review meals. And we’ve seen this of recent where diners have taken to the internet to spread their grievances. We’ve all seen that this can really hurt a restaurant. Putting something out there in the digital space can leave a nasty footprint. And your fifth and final rule suggests dealing with this in real life before you take it to the web. What’s your rule number five?
Talk to the manager before you review online if it is bad. If something wasn’t right, say it to a person. I promise they want to know. They probably want to make it right. It is really, really, really easy not to talk to anyone about a bad experience, but still get a ton of mileage about it on the internet. And I’m not saying don’t leave a bad review. There is a need for honesty. What I’m saying is if you don’t give the restaurant a chance to address it in the moment, it’s almost unfair to malign that experience online. The restaurant probably doesn’t know that you’re upset or disappointed. Just tell a human.
Now listen, if you’ve talked to a server, talked to a manager in the moment and found no purchase, by all means, say what you need to say online. I am an advocate of truth and honesty. I’m a journalist. But I do understand how a bad online reputation can really tank a business. So just give them a chance. Give them a chance. You never know. One bad night of service doesn’t mean it’s a bad restaurant.
This just happened to me at a place that I go to with my kids for pasta around the corner. I got this gnocchi dish. It had so much lemon in it. It was like savory lemonade. It was disgusting. I said something to the server and the server was like, oh, thank you so much. I’ve been trying to tell the kitchen this for three days. They just changed the recipe. I’ll be right back. It worked out. It’s not just me.
Kristen, thank you so much for sharing these rules. If people want to sign up for Expedite or read what you’re writing, where can they go? How can they follow along with what you’re up to and what you’re working on?
The best way is at expedite.news, which is the website for my two to three times weekly newsletter or kristenholly.com for all my freelance work.
Amazing. Well, congratulations on everything. Deeply appreciate you sharing these tips. And I will try to be better about putting my phone away at the table when I go out to eat because you told me to.
Yeah, me too. It’s a process. We’ll get there.
