This week on Five Rules for the Good Life, I’m joined by Sue Chan, founder of Care of Chan and C/O/C Projects. In this episode, she shares her Five Rules for Hosting with Heart, covering everything from curating an intimate guest list to setting an intentional tone to the importance of toasting guests. We talk about what it takes to make gatherings meaningful, memorable, and grounded in personal connection.
Talking with Sue brought me right back to planning our wedding with my wife, Anna. I remember the hours we spent debating the decor, the lighting, and how to make the ceremony feel like us. That experience taught me how powerful personal details can be in shaping a moment, and that same lesson echoed throughout this conversation. Storytelling has always been at the center of what I do, whether I’m building a show, producing an event, or just hosting dinner. Sue’s perspective reminded me that when you lead with heart and clarity, the people you gather can feel it.
Photo by Matthew Glueckert
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Transcription
Hello and welcome to Five Rules for the Good Life. I'm your host, Darin Bresnitz.
Today I sit down with my friend and colleague, Sue Chan, founder of Care of Chan, COC Projects, and a staple of the New York and LA restaurant scenes. She shares her five rules on how to host with heart. We chat about her lifetime dedicated to hosting, how storytelling is key to making any event a moment, and how gathering guests for a few words can make a night memorable.
So let's get into the rules.
Sue, always a pleasure to see your smiling face coast to coast. Thank you for taking the time and sitting down with me on the show.
You and I have worked together in the past and talked a lot about our approach to hosting and hospitality. What I love about your approach is that it's been a part of your life almost your entire life. I remember the story you told me where you threw your first dinner party in second grade.
Yes, it was for my birthday party when I turned eight years old.
What has drawn you to hosting and throwing parties?
I moved around a lot as a kid because my parents were academics. I pretty much moved every four years when I was younger. Because of that, I had to make friends in every single new school that I went to. So building community has just always been something really important to me, and something that I got a few reps in throughout my life.
Some of those reps were working in the restaurant industry. You've worked at some of the most high-end restaurants in New York, and you're friends with a lot of chefs. What from that world have you incorporated both into your personal life and your professional life, especially with hospitality and hosting?
I always take a hospitality-first approach to the events that we plan. It's not just about having a beautiful tablescape or having a delicious grazing platter. It's about what are the extra touches that you add to everything to make it feel super personal. Those details really make the difference between a good event and a great event.
What I’ve always loved about Care of Chan, your agency, is that in addition to those details, storytelling is a big part of what you do. Why is that so important to you and to throwing a good event?
Whenever we plan events, it's really important for us to identify what story we're trying to tell. That story can be something as simple as a theme, or it can be something as complicated as, “I want guests to walk away with this feeling.” From there, when you decide the food or the tablescape, it levels up into that story you're trying to tell.
That story and hosting with intention and putting your whole being into it is something that is learned over time and something I think people can see on social media and not really know how to get started. That’s why I’m so excited for you to share your five rules on how to host with heart. This includes the details, the storytelling, everything that goes into the final iteration of a hosting moment or an event.
Over the years, I have thrown parties both big and small, and I've really come to enjoy the latter—the smaller parties—which ties into your first rule. What is your rule number one?
My absolute mandatory rule is no phones at all on the floor.
Bonus rule?
Yes. Almost like rule zero, like a starting point. Base level is absolutely no phones. Sure, take your content that you need to take at the beginning, but then put that phone away so you can be super present. But yeah, my official first rule is to keep it intimate—smaller, more curated guest lists. Curated doesn’t mean exclusive. It means that someone shares a common value or a common passion. Whether it’s a chess-themed event or everyone is from your running club or everyone is a mom, having some sort of curation really helps foster deeper connections. Those more intimate, curated groups allow people to have more intimate conversations.
And it also allows you to feel comfortable in asking them for this, which is rule number two.
Rule number two is invite contribution. Ask your dinner guests to take part in your event. Maybe they help cook. Maybe they bring their favorite bottle of wine. Maybe they bring a dessert that they love. Nothing feels warmer than a meal made together, no matter the contribution. Let’s say one of your friends isn’t a super foodie—maybe they can bring the flowers and arrange the flowers for the table. I think people come with greater intention when they have actually contributed to the night. Contributions through things like decor and helping to set the scene are really important, because even when you have people over to your house, there should be some sort of transformation.
Or if you go to a bar or a restaurant, which ties directly into your third rule.
Create a sense of place. Transport your guests to your favorite setting—real or imagined. Dress the room, dress yourself, dress your guests even. Are you throwing a pajama party and does everyone need to come in pajamas? Are you maybe giving them a set of pajamas to wear to the party? Perhaps you always vacation in Italy in the summer but weren’t able to make it this year, so instead you throw a party inspired by spending a summer in Italy. For that party, you bring in all of your favorite accents from Italy. You have a spritz bar. The entire menu is a coastal summer Italian menu. The décor is also in line with that. Perhaps you bring in some Italian ceramics to decorate the space, and then you play Italodisco. What can you do to transport your guests to your favorite setting?
When you're hosting, when you're throwing a party—especially something that means a lot to you—people want to become a part of that world. I think with your rule number four, this is a must-have to make a party your own.
Rule number four is add personal touches. Infuse the programming of the night with your craft. Personalize the takeaway. Show your guests a piece of you. Perhaps you serve your favorite childhood dish, and then that becomes a talking point and you can share that with your guests. When you share personal touches at an event, it really shows your guests that they matter. It’s that care, not extravagance, that really transforms a moment into a memory—and a guest into family.
I love that so much. That transformation of people coming together has to catch a certain rhythm, and you don’t ever want to really disrupt the party once it gets flowing. But I do think it is important at some point to take a pause, bring everyone together, and do your rule number five.
Rule number five: raise a glass. Always make a toast at an event because it frames the gathering and reminds everyone why we've all come together. It's important because then people walk away knowing what it is they just experienced and why it was that we were celebrating. So it's always important to set an intention at an event.
Sue, congratulations. Love what you're doing with your events and the storytelling and the worlds that you've built through Care of Chan. If people want to check out your work or maybe they want to hit you up to work with you, where can they go?
They should follow us on Instagram at @careofchan or check out our website at careofchan.com.
Well, Sue, here's to more hosting and I hope to be in a room with you raising a glass very soon.
Yes. Thank you, Darin. Cheers.
