Many days go by
The blink of an eye
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I didn’t expect this surprise
How deep did I dive?
How much did the I that I am hide?
How do I find my way back?
Can I re-track my steps with a new awareness?
Can I retrace a road I forgot to take?
Is it my place?
To go back in time
Hit rewind
Revive something that kept its silence
A knowing that led to this inner violence
Conflict inside
That I tried to walk through a test
Only to find that it was what I had left
That created this mess
I confess
I was confused
A young girl without the tools to know what to do
How can I be sure what is true?
To trust in you
To trust in me
It’s complicated you see
Or is it simple
Is it easy?
That healing can happen
Going through this return in Saturn (*here I’m referring to a womans Saturn’s return: https://www.vogue.co.uk/arts-and-lifestyle/article/saturn-return)
Reclaiming my power
All the hours I gave away
To try to reach you another day
All the ways I felt afraid
To taste the bitterness of being left again
Even though it was me that acted pretend
That thought I needed to fend for myself
Putting my own needs to be loved on the shelf
Only I can help myself now
I must forget trying to figure out how
I must surrender
Release the pretender
I must choose forgiveness
For you
For me
For so long I’ve felt so guilty
For so long I’d forgotten how to speak
How to say with ease
I’m sorry, I love you, Please forgive me, Thank you (*here I’m referring to the Hawaiian meditation practice Ho'oponopono: https://www.bettersleep.com/blog/what-is-hooponopono/)
To the one inside who knew what was true
And to the one inside who flew
Who ran
Who span around in many circles
To see her moves were hurtful to herself
To others
I forgot that we are all One
We are all whole
My pain took me to places I did not know to heal
To remember what is real
That the outside is a reflection of what you feel
You don’t need to kill off what’s within
Begin to welcome it all
Follow your hearts call
Find the beauty in the fall
As you rise again
Without trying to fend for yourself
Without forcing yourself to be alone
Or bow to another’s throne
You’re allowed to be loved for all that you are
The light in a blinding star
Your journey has walked you far
Trust that your steps now may feel hopeless
But your heart asks “devote to this
And you will come to know true bliss
Because what’s for you, can’t ever, be missed”
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with love,
Emma
Emma Evelyn is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
