Why do I keep on crying?
I feel like I’m somehow dying
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Fighting with life
What I can feel when I look through my eyes
Vs. what I feel inside
Its a fright
To have been a whole life in disguise
The dark soul of the night
To lights burning bright
I want to hide
I want to pause
I have no remorse for my deaths
Many learnings from many tests
I have learnt, I am blessed
Never would I have guessed
I’d land here
Between a rock and a hard-place
I can’t open the gate to move forward
I feel my direction
Blocked by walls of protection
Doubting what I know
What I feel
Is it real?
Will it ever happen?
Happiness?
Peace?
Can I be only ease?
Can this be created by me?
Can this just come in and I be free?
Surely magic and miracles
Are available?
Surely I’ll be able
To feel stable
Because I long for a home
To be alone
And in community
How much longer until I see what I feel
Do I still have even more to heal?
Shake me awake from this dream
Where inside I scream
For the scars that were wounds that had to bleed
Can I surrender to what I believe?
Live as all of me?
I grieve who I was
Because the tears water who I am
They are the antidote to being in mind
Is it the end of that time?
I don’t want to hit rewind
Only keep swimming
Beginning to trust what I know
Move with life’s flow
Oh gardens, please grow
Take me home
Take me to what I’ve always known.
with love,
Emma
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with love,
Emma
Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash
Emma Evelyn is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
