(00:00:18):
Do you long for hope amid life struggles and challenges?
(00:00:22):
Then join author and life coach Tammy Kennington on From Hardship to Hope,
(00:00:27):
the podcast for Christian women navigating life through a faith-based lens.
(00:00:32):
If you need biblical support, encouragement, and actionable tips, this show is for you.
(00:00:37):
Welcome.
(00:00:38):
I'm your host, Tammy Kennington.
(00:00:40):
I'm so glad you've joined me for the first episode of season two.
(00:00:45):
Today,
(00:00:45):
and for the next several episodes,
(00:00:48):
we're going to discuss a topic that is often not one we grapple with regularly,
(00:00:55):
at least in public.
(00:00:58):
That is the topic of loneliness.
(00:01:01):
While it's not something we may always talk about,
(00:01:03):
it is something we'll all experience at some point in our lives.
(00:01:07):
And I would guess that most, if not all of us, have experienced it before.
(00:01:12):
Whether we are going through a tough season,
(00:01:16):
we're recently divorced or single,
(00:01:19):
or maybe just feeling disconnected from those around us,
(00:01:22):
loneliness can sneak up in unexpected ways.
(00:01:26):
But here's the good news.
(00:01:27):
Loneliness doesn't have to be something that we fear or avoid.
(00:01:31):
In fact,
(00:01:32):
it's something we can learn to navigate through faith,
(00:01:35):
just like many of the women and men we read about in the Bible and whose lives
(00:01:40):
we'll discuss throughout this series.
(00:01:43):
Let's first begin by defining what loneliness is,
(00:01:47):
understanding some of its characteristics,
(00:01:49):
and then exploring how we as Christian women can walk through loneliness with hope.
(00:01:57):
So what is loneliness?
(00:01:58):
Loneliness.
(00:02:01):
It's defined as an unpleasant emotional response to perceived isolation.
(00:02:07):
Loneliness is also described as a social pain,
(00:02:10):
a psychological mechanism that motivates individuals to seek social connections.
(00:02:17):
In that way, loneliness can be a good thing, right?
(00:02:21):
Because we are recognizing there's something we need from someone else.
(00:02:26):
We know in and within ourselves that we are not enough.
(00:02:31):
People are made for connection.
(00:02:34):
But loneliness is often associated with a perceived lack of connection with intimacy.
(00:02:43):
Many researchers, however, do make a distinction between loneliness and isolation or solitude.
(00:02:51):
Solitude is really just the act of being apart from others, but not everyone who is
(00:03:00):
Experiencing solitude feels lonely.
(00:03:03):
As an emotion, loneliness can often be felt even when we're surrounded by other people.
(00:03:12):
So loneliness is sometimes misunderstood.
(00:03:15):
It's not just a single aspect of one's life.
(00:03:20):
It's not just about being physically alone.
(00:03:24):
it can be a deep emotional feeling of disconnection.
(00:03:28):
It's when we have that deep ache in our hearts and feel like no one else
(00:03:32):
understands us,
(00:03:33):
or when we long for connection with someone,
(00:03:36):
but it just seems out of reach.
(00:03:40):
Research indicates there are several different types of loneliness.
(00:03:44):
These are emotional loneliness,
(00:03:46):
which is an absence of meaningful relationship,
(00:03:51):
social loneliness,
(00:03:52):
which is a perceived deficit of
(00:03:54):
and the quality of contacts or the number of people involved in our lives or
(00:04:00):
quality of those relationships.
(00:04:03):
And then there's existential loneliness,
(00:04:05):
which is a feeling of being separate from others and the world at large.
(00:04:12):
Now, these feelings of loneliness often overlap.
(00:04:17):
If you imagine a Venn diagram,
(00:04:19):
emotional,
(00:04:20):
social,
(00:04:20):
and existential,
(00:04:21):
they'll often overlap with one another.
(00:04:25):
They are experienced for different durations of time and different intensities.
(00:04:30):
They can be transient, meaning they come and go.
(00:04:33):
They might be situational.
(00:04:36):
So some of us may have struggled with feeling lonely during the Christmas season,
(00:04:43):
for example,
(00:04:44):
or on certain dates,
(00:04:45):
maybe our birthday or a Father's Day or a Mother's Day.
(00:04:49):
And loneliness can also be chronic.
(00:04:54):
So for some of us,
(00:04:55):
loneliness can manifest as a feeling of emptiness,
(00:04:58):
like something might be missing,
(00:05:00):
while others may experience it as profound sadness or even,
(00:05:04):
again,
(00:05:04):
that isolation from others.
(00:05:07):
And it's really important for us to recognize that loneliness can affect anyone,
(00:05:12):
whether we're in that room that's crowded again or we're sitting alone at home.
(00:05:19):
Loneliness does not play favorites, and it doesn't have a favorite role.
(00:05:24):
place to call home.
(00:05:27):
So what else do we know and why should we address loneliness?
(00:05:33):
Well, the U.S.
(00:05:34):
News and World Report recently had an article entitled, Loneliness is Plaguing Americans.
(00:05:43):
And for that article, they surveyed 2,200 adults.
(00:05:48):
One third of those adults reported feeling lonely at least once a week
(00:05:53):
Well, one in 10 said that they experienced loneliness every day.
(00:06:01):
So I wanted to dig a little more into this because the U.S.
(00:06:07):
World News Report survey seemed to indicate something very significant.
(00:06:13):
And it's backed up by information proposed by the American Psychological Association.
(00:06:21):
In 2023,
(00:06:21):
the APA conducted a survey of their own,
(00:06:26):
which confirmed that 30% of 18 to 34-year-olds are lonely every day or several
(00:06:34):
times a week,
(00:06:35):
while 43% of American adults,
(00:06:38):
adults across the board,
(00:06:40):
experience loneliness in the same way that they did during COVID.
(00:06:45):
In other words, loneliness has not changed forever.
(00:06:49):
for most American adults.
(00:06:52):
And interestingly, loneliness seems rampant across cultures.
(00:06:57):
There was research that I found about the UK and that society is experiencing very
(00:07:06):
similar or the same sorts of loneliness.
(00:07:09):
Those people in that culture are also navigating the same struggles that Americans
(00:07:16):
are with loneliness.
(00:07:19):
So what else do we know?
(00:07:21):
Research indicates that loneliness equates to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
(00:07:28):
What happens in the body is that it increases the prevalence of norepinephrine,
(00:07:36):
which is associated with the fight,
(00:07:39):
flight and freeze reaction that people tend to have.
(00:07:42):
And it leads to accelerated aging.
(00:07:47):
and health struggles, really significant health struggles.
(00:07:53):
In fact, it is a predictor, sadly, of early mortality, in particular when loneliness is chronic.
(00:08:01):
Now,
(00:08:01):
chronic loneliness,
(00:08:02):
as I mentioned,
(00:08:03):
is linked to health struggles,
(00:08:05):
and these include increased blood pressure,
(00:08:07):
a weakened immune system,
(00:08:10):
anxiety,
(00:08:10):
depression,
(00:08:11):
obesity,
(00:08:13):
high cholesterol,
(00:08:14):
heart disease,
(00:08:16):
an increase of blood sugars and even Alzheimer's disease.
(00:08:21):
It's a pretty startling list, isn't it?
(00:08:25):
Very concerning when we consider that so many of our young adults,
(00:08:29):
18 to 34,
(00:08:30):
and then our older Americans,
(00:08:33):
our older seniors,
(00:08:35):
elderly in the elderly population struggle with loneliness.
(00:08:41):
So how do people ease their loneliness?
(00:08:45):
There are several different ways.
(00:08:47):
50% of people distract themselves with a television show,
(00:08:51):
with a podcast,
(00:08:53):
or by engaging in social media.
(00:08:56):
41% take a walk.
(00:08:58):
And this differs according to this particular study that I was listening to with
(00:09:05):
31% who utilize exercise.
(00:09:05):
38% engage with family and friends.
(00:09:07):
Another 31% with their pets.
(00:09:16):
26% eat more than usual, and 13% utilize drugs or alcohol.
(00:09:24):
The causes of loneliness are varied depending on our life situations.
(00:09:32):
Loneliness might be a result of a genetic inheritance, an
(00:09:38):
And,
(00:09:38):
um,
(00:09:39):
based on twin studies,
(00:09:40):
it seems that approximately 15 to 20% of people are more predisposed to loneliness
(00:09:47):
than others.
(00:09:49):
Cultural factors within family situations can affect loneliness.
(00:09:54):
Those people with adverse childhood experiences,
(00:09:57):
for example,
(00:09:58):
are more prone to struggle with loneliness as adults.
(00:10:02):
It could be just a lack of meaningful relationships,
(00:10:05):
a loss,
(00:10:06):
a significant loss,
(00:10:08):
or even incredibly excessive reliance on technologies.
(00:10:15):
So we do know, as I mentioned, that loneliness is found throughout society.
(00:10:21):
And it's even among people in marriages or in others,
(00:10:27):
strong relationships,
(00:10:28):
those who have other strong relationships,
(00:10:30):
those people who have successful careers.
(00:10:33):
This is a human experience.
(00:10:38):
There are a couple of times in my life that when I reflect,
(00:10:41):
I can think about experiencing a deep sense of loneliness.
(00:10:48):
One was as a little girl.
(00:10:51):
As a little girl growing up in a home rife with violence and abuse, I felt very alone.
(00:10:58):
And in fact, one of my favorite stories was the little match girl.
(00:11:03):
And I imagine myself being the little match girl and taken and
(00:11:08):
up into heaven and experiencing freedom from that pain and that loneliness.
(00:11:17):
At another point in my life,
(00:11:20):
I would be sitting amongst a full crowd of young women at church during Bible study
(00:11:27):
or during a church service.
(00:11:30):
And Sunday after Sunday, I just felt alone in the midst of
(00:11:36):
of all of those people just alone and misunderstood.
(00:11:40):
And I really think it was my perception.
(00:11:43):
It wasn't anything anyone else had done, but I felt so alone and I couldn't understand it.
(00:11:50):
And then more recently with my children all launching into their careers and early
(00:11:57):
marriage and college,
(00:11:59):
I found myself navigating a new arena of aloneness and
(00:12:06):
feeling quite alone.
(00:12:09):
I wonder too,
(00:12:10):
if you have been in that same position,
(00:12:13):
maybe you've been there feeling like you're missing a deep connection,
(00:12:16):
wondering if anyone truly sees you.
(00:12:19):
Loneliness can be really confusing and painful, but it's also something we can bring to God.
(00:12:26):
He is the one who promises to meet us where we are, even in our loneliness moments.
(00:12:34):
So what does loneliness look like?
(00:12:36):
Let's unpack a few of its characteristics.
(00:12:40):
One, there's emotional pain.
(00:12:42):
Loneliness often feels like an ache in the heart.
(00:12:44):
As I mentioned previously,
(00:12:46):
it's that empty space when you feel you long for connection,
(00:12:50):
but you can't seem to find it.
(00:12:53):
There's social discomfort.
(00:12:55):
Even if we're surrounded by people, loneliness often makes us feel isolated.
(00:13:00):
It isn't about being physically alone.
(00:13:02):
It's about that emotional
(00:13:04):
feeling of distance even from those who care about us and and from those who we
(00:13:10):
care about three there's a sense of being unseen or unheard oftentimes sometimes
(00:13:17):
loneliness can make us feel like our voices don't matter or our needs are going
(00:13:22):
unnoticed like we're invisible four there's just that longing for belonging
(00:13:30):
Really at its core, loneliness is a yearning for deep connection.
(00:13:33):
And that might be connection with the Lord, with family, friends, or a broader community.
(00:13:40):
But it's the desire to be known and loved just as we truly are.
(00:13:45):
And five, there's spiritual struggle.
(00:13:48):
For Christian women, loneliness can also bring a sense of spiritual distance.
(00:13:53):
We may perceive or feel as if God is far away or that our prayers are going unanswered.
(00:14:00):
Again,
(00:14:00):
it's just important for us to remember loneliness does not equate to abandonment,
(00:14:06):
not by God,
(00:14:07):
never by God.
(00:14:12):
I wonder if you recognize yourself in any of these statistics mentioned previously
(00:14:18):
or these characteristics of emotional pain,
(00:14:21):
a sense of being unseen or that deep longing for connection.
(00:14:27):
It's natural for us to feel this way at times.
(00:14:29):
I want to encourage you.
(00:14:31):
This feeling of loneliness does not define who you are.
(00:14:35):
You are beloved.
(00:14:37):
You are treasured.
(00:14:38):
You are seen.
(00:14:40):
God hears you and he promises to be near.
(00:14:43):
So let's look to scripture for a couple of examples of women who wrestled with
(00:14:50):
loneliness and then how God met them in their most isolated moments.
(00:14:54):
This is a quick overview of
(00:14:56):
of the stories of two women, Hagar and Ruth.
(00:15:00):
Hagar's story of isolation begins in Genesis 16.
(00:15:06):
She was mistreated by Sarah,
(00:15:10):
Abraham's wife,
(00:15:12):
and found herself fleeing into the wilderness,
(00:15:15):
pregnant and abandoned.
(00:15:18):
In that dark moment, though, God met her.
(00:15:21):
He spoke to her and he called her by name,
(00:15:24):
And he reminded her that she was seen and loved and wasn't forgotten.
(00:15:32):
And Hagar said to him, you are the God who sees me.
(00:15:37):
This story is such a beautiful reminder that even in our loneliness,
(00:15:42):
loneliest times,
(00:15:43):
God sees us and he meets us where we are.
(00:15:49):
Another story I find incredibly encouraging is Ruth's story.
(00:15:53):
Ruth had a story of both grief and hope.
(00:15:56):
See, she'd lost her husband and her community.
(00:16:00):
And she could have chosen to return to her community, to her own people who were Moabites.
(00:16:07):
But she chose to stay with her mother-in-law,
(00:16:10):
Naomi,
(00:16:11):
and embrace Naomi's God,
(00:16:13):
the Lord of the Bible.
(00:16:17):
And through that experience, Ruth's loneliness was met with divine provision.
(00:16:22):
And through her faithfulness,
(00:16:23):
and that of God's.
(00:16:25):
She found new purpose.
(00:16:26):
God used Ruth's season of grief to bring about something beautiful.
(00:16:31):
It was a story of redemption and restoration that leads directly to the lineage of Jesus Christ.
(00:16:40):
These women,
(00:16:41):
Hagar and Ruth,
(00:16:43):
remind us that loneliness doesn't have to be a permanent state of being.
(00:16:48):
God can meet us in that isolation.
(00:16:51):
He can heal our wounds.
(00:16:53):
He can use our experiences for something greater.
(00:16:56):
Whether you're going through a season of grief,
(00:16:59):
waiting,
(00:17:00):
or wondering where God is in your loneliness,
(00:17:04):
remind yourself of the truth that he is with you,
(00:17:07):
just as he was with these women of faith.
(00:17:13):
In our world,
(00:17:13):
loneliness can feel perhaps even more intense,
(00:17:17):
especially with the pressures of social media,
(00:17:20):
FOMO,
(00:17:21):
busyness,
(00:17:22):
comparison.
(00:17:24):
But here's the truth.
(00:17:26):
You are not alone.
(00:17:28):
Even in your most difficult, loneliest moment, God is with you.
(00:17:35):
You are seen, you are heard, and you are loved.
(00:17:42):
So here are a few ways we can begin to embrace loneliness through faith.
(00:17:48):
We can acknowledge the feelings
(00:17:51):
That's the first step in dealing with loneliness, recognizing it.
(00:17:56):
Don't suppress or ignore our feelings.
(00:17:59):
It's not a healthy way to manage life.
(00:18:01):
God can handle our honest emotions.
(00:18:03):
He wants to meet us in those places of vulnerability.
(00:18:08):
Two, we can draw near to God.
(00:18:11):
In our loneliness,
(00:18:12):
we might feel like withdrawing even from the Lord,
(00:18:16):
but what we need to do is press into him,
(00:18:19):
to draw close to him through prayer,
(00:18:21):
and worship and the word.
(00:18:24):
He promises to be near to us when we call on him.
(00:18:27):
He promises not to leave us as orphans.
(00:18:31):
So my encouragement for each of us is to let him comfort us just as he did for Hagar.
(00:18:39):
Three, we want to seek community.
(00:18:43):
This can be a real challenge.
(00:18:44):
It's a challenge for me.
(00:18:45):
And
(00:18:48):
Loneliness can lead us to retreat from people as well, but God calls us to community.
(00:18:53):
He made man for woman and woman for man and people for one another.
(00:19:00):
So we need to find ways to connect with others,
(00:19:02):
whether that's through church attendance,
(00:19:05):
maybe a new Bible study,
(00:19:07):
reaching out to a friend we haven't talked to for a long time,
(00:19:11):
maybe engaging in a new club or a hobby.
(00:19:15):
We just aren't meant to walk life alone.
(00:19:19):
Four, we need to grow our resilience.
(00:19:22):
And I addressed this in season one, episode three, Moving Beyond Trauma's Wasteland.
(00:19:29):
I'll put a link there.
(00:19:30):
I talk extensively about how we can grow our resilience and develop skills that
(00:19:39):
promote our health,
(00:19:41):
whether that's mental,
(00:19:42):
physical,
(00:19:43):
and beyond.
(00:19:45):
And five, we want to address God's purpose in our seasons.
(00:19:49):
So if we're walking in a place of loneliness right now,
(00:19:53):
let's look at it through the lens of it being an opportunity for God to do a deeper
(00:19:59):
work in us,
(00:20:00):
for us to trust him to use this time for growth and healing,
(00:20:05):
or maybe preparing us for something more,
(00:20:08):
just like he did with Ruth.
(00:20:13):
Friend, you are never alone in your loneliness.
(00:20:15):
God sees you.
(00:20:17):
He promises to be with you.
(00:20:20):
As you walk through this season and join me as we journey through the lives of
(00:20:26):
several different men and women from scripture and consider the impact of
(00:20:31):
loneliness in their lives,
(00:20:33):
let's remember that God is working in us.
(00:20:38):
May I pray for you?
(00:20:41):
Lord, you tell us in John 14, 18, I will not leave you as orphans.
(00:20:46):
I will come to you.
(00:20:48):
So today I lift up the woman struggling with loneliness.
(00:20:51):
Father, help her recognize she is your beloved daughter.
(00:20:54):
Word off any arrows the enemy may send her way.
(00:20:58):
Lead her into meaningful relationships with those who will see her value as she
(00:21:04):
seeks you to meet her needs and leans into relationship with others as she builds community,
(00:21:14):
Father God.
(00:21:18):
in your powerful and precious name.
(00:21:20):
Amen.
(00:21:22):
Thank you for joining me today on From Hardship to Hope.
(00:21:27):
I hope you've been encouraged and that you're reminded loneliness is a place where
(00:21:32):
we can meet God in powerful ways.
(00:21:36):
Two weeks from now, we're going to learn about
(00:21:40):
the loneliness of Hagar, as we explore both Genesis 16 and 21.
(00:21:44):
We'll consider God's presence and care during times of isolation,
(00:21:50):
how to seek God's comfort,
(00:21:52):
and then some insights that research has to share with us.
(00:21:58):
If this episode blessed you,
(00:21:59):
please share it with a friend or subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an episode.
(00:22:05):
I'm praying for you as you navigate life's challenges with hope
(00:22:09):
And I look forward to being with you again in our next episode.
