Laws 3 and 4: Passivity and Aggression
The first two Gravitational Laws, Shame and Pride speak to your sense of worth. The next two, Passivity and Aggression, relate to the exertion of your will. Passivity implies that you fail to exert your will, while aggression is an over exertion of your will. As with of all of the Laws, passivity and aggression limit your development.
When I speak of your will I’m referring to your ability to translate your wants into action. You may want to go on a vacation, but the vacation will never happen if you don’t exercise your will. This truism gives rise to the adage, “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” There’s a reason we don’t say that “Where there’s a wish there’s a way.” We know that wishes won’t go anywhere unless we employ our will.
In a state of passivity, you blunt your will. Even though your wishes may differ from those around you, you choose to ignore, deny, or actively subject your will to the will of another individual or group. In more extreme cases you allow their will to replace your own to such a degree that you lose sight of your own wants.
In a state of aggression you impose your will on those around you. The primary aim of aggression is to conform the external world to your will. You may even view another person’s will as an impediment to your own. The CEO that verbally attacks her team, for example, seeks to intimidate her team into state of passivity so that they behave according her will, not their own.
Passivity appears less damaging of the two on the surface. We may even speak of passivity as a virtue and describe passive people as nice and easy to get along with, especially in contrast to someone that exhibits aggression.
In truth, the passive person can inflict lasting damage on people and groups. The leader prone to passivity tends to frustrate people because of their indecisiveness and deference to others. Rather than exert their will, they tend to wait for others to tell them what to do. For example, I worked with a leader whose passivity expressed itself in a deep fear of conflict. He routinely avoided dealing with a personnel issues within the company. His team eventually lost respect for his unwillingness to confront these issues. Many eventually left the company.
Aggressive leaders lose trust and influence in a different way. I knew one leader that proclaimed with pride, “I know my team’s scared of me, and I don’t care as long as they do what I say.” Such a person lacks the awareness to recognize their tendency to dominate the will of others. They tend to conflate compliance with loyalty. People may fulfill the demands of the aggressive leader, but not because they want.
Consider your tendencies. Do you tend toward passivity or aggression? You can probably identify with both depending on the circumstances. Notice when passivity shows up, and notice what situations tap into your aggression. Think of specific situations. As you did with your audit, note the costs you incur when these tendencies play out in your personal and professional relationships.
It’s unrealistic to think you’ll ever be fully rid of these tendencies. You’ll probably always trend toward one or the other. Through the Selfship process we’re focussing on sharpening your awareness of your tendencies and the impacts these tendencies have on those around you. As your awareness increases, you’ll come to work with your tendencies rather than having them work against you.
