Are you still performing a version of yourself that doesn’t even exist anymore? In the latest episode of the Dear Black Gay Men Podcast, host Jai the Gentleman sits down with the “real-life Uncle Charlie,” Charlie Lewis Jr.. Inspired by his character in the Netflix series Forever, Charlie discusses his transformative new book, No Apologies: Love the Way You Live at Any Age.
Outgrowing the “Gay Ghetto”
Many of us find ourselves stuck in what Charlie calls the “gay ghetto”—surrounded only by people who share our same traumas and woundedness. While finding community is vital, Charlie argues that true intellectual wellness comes from curating a circle that challenges you to grow.
Top signs you’ve outgrown a friendship include:
* Malicious Jealousy: When a friend moves from “I wish I had that” to actively trying to take what is yours.
* Stagnant Perspectives: When people from your past refuse to see your growth because they are stuck on who you used to be.
* Lack of Understanding: When your “Bessie” can’t grasp your new life perspective or peace.
The Power of Reparenting
One of the most moving segments of the episode explores the concept of reparenting yourself. Charlie challenges us to write a love letter to our younger selves—addressing the 8 or 10-year-old version of us that had to muster strength just to survive. By forgiving those who “did the best they could with what they had,” we release the anger that blocks our path to joy.
Live Your Truth with No Apologies
“Black Joy is the Resistance,” says Charlie. It is time to stop shrinking, stop “praying the gay away,” and start living selfishly for your own peace. Whether you are navigating your 20s or reclaiming your life in midlife, remember: God didn’t make junk.
Ready to start your healing journey?
* Watch the full episode on YouTube
* Grab your copy of No Apologies by Charlie Lewis Jr.
