Ephesians 4:29“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
This is a post that really stings for me. You see, I love words, and I love using my voice to talk and write. But all too often, the words that come out of my mouth are more like the “unwholesome talk” that the opening verse from Ephesians is talking about: gossip, slander, cursing, backbiting… these are just a few of the ways the Bible labels sinful speech. It is so easy to use my words to let others know exactly how I feel or what I want, rather than for building them up “according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
Sinful speech may manifest itself in many ways in our lives, but I want to focus on gossip along with its twin slander because it is so often accepted and even promoted in the world around us. My goal today is to show how ugly and dangerous this sin really is when we view our words the way God does.
So what is gossip? When I think of gossip, these are the things that come to my mind: talking about others in a negative way; talking about others’ personal problems when they’re not in the conversation; talking about situations where either we or the party listening (or both) are not a part of the problem itself or the solution; talking about issues without any real desire or motivation to help resolve said issues.
It’s interesting how gossip, just like pride, is not always portrayed as something negative in our culture. It’s actually joked about and expected in friendships and at the work place, like when people talk about having “tea time” or “spilling the tea.” Yet nowhere in the Bible is gossip or slander talked about lightly, which is why I want to spend some time now demonstrating how this sin hurts us and others.
First, when we gossip we hurt ourselves. As Christians, we’re being hypocritical in our speech when we take part in gossiping. This sin stains our hearts, hurting us and our Christian witness because it goes against the way we are called to live as followers of Christ.
James 1:26Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless.
Proverbs 18:8 NLTRumors are dainty morsels that sink deep into one’s heart.
When we choose to sin in the way we talk, like through gossip or slander, we are acting as if our religion is worthless. We are feeding our hearts “dainty morsels” that do not reflect the words of the true Bread of Life and Living Water. When warning about the dangerous power of the tongue, the Apostle James says in chapter 3 verses 9-10:
With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.
For the believer, it is hypocritical to use our words to belittle or harm others through gossip. This teaching correlates directly with what Jesus taught about the connection between our words and our hearts:
Matthew 15:18-19But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them. For out of the heart come evil thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.
Because we have new hearts through faith in Jesus Christ, we now have a choice on what we fill our hearts with. To grow to be more like our Savior, we must put off the sin of gossip—that means we stop feeding our hearts sinful words and thoughts, and instead we must feed ourselves with God’s commands and promises. Only those of us with new hearts are able to make this choice, because we’ve been saved and changed by Jesus’ perfect, righteous power. As we ask for His help and choose to obey His Words more, the more we will see victory over the temptation to gossip.
Second, I want to show how when we gossip, we are hurting others too. Taking part in gossip—slanderous, betraying speech—ruins our relationships and goes against how the Lord instructs us to love and serve others.
Proverbs 11:13A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret.
Proverbs 17:9Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.
What I love about those two Proverbs is the fact that it tells us how gossip hurts relationships, while also telling us what helps relationships. When we gossip, we are betraying the confidence or trust that someone has in us. Whether we’re connected to that person directly or indirectly, gossiping demonstrates to our audience that we are not trustworthy. If I am willing to gossip about someone else with you, what would keep me from eventually gossiping about you with someone else? If I’m repeating something negative that was said or done to me, I’m showing the audience that I’m not willing to forgive either. Who wants a relationship with someone like that?
The author contrasts these sinful results with the fact that a trustworthy person is not going to give away secrets or details that were shared in confidence. If someone asks you details about a problem or issue that someone else is dealing with, you have a choice—share the information you know about the situation, or demonstrate that you would rather not share out of love and respect for all involved. Even if the person asking you seems upset or offended that you won’t share, you are still testifying to them that you desire to be worthy of trust in your relationships. And by choosing not to rehash or retell all the wrongs done to you, you are choosing to demonstrate how those who know God demonstrate His love by exercising grace and forgiveness.
I want to add an important note here—I believe there is a time and place to seek counsel with others regarding the relational issues or hurts that come up in life. We sometimes have to share personal details or information about others in order to receive godly counsel. However, I want to challenge you to pray for wisdom, discernment, and a grace-filled heart as you decide what and when to share with others. Don’t run away from talking with other believers about the problems we face! Seek guidance from others involved, if possible, about what is shareable or not. And if you still have doubts or feel like there is no one to talk to, I really suggest talking to a pastor or pastor’s wife at your church to help you discern what is appropriate to share with others. We’re NOT meant to keep everything inside and figure out all of life’s problems. The Church Body is a gift to God’s people to help us grow in walking in righteousness and in experiencing the Lord’s healing and grace.
Lastly, I want to emphasize how our words are important to God, which should be motivation to put off the sin of gossip in our lives. According to His Word, we will answer for every time we gossip or slander:
Matthew 12:36But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken.
That’s pretty humbling, isn’t it? Even the believer must give an account for the way we choose to live and speak in front of our Savior someday. I too often am not thinking about this eternal reality and instead am too focused on what people think about me in the here and now. For me, the sin of pride in my life can lead me to just going along with gossip when I’m around it because I don’t want to look foolish or be left out of a conversation. It’s sad that I so often let my desire to please others take my eyes off what really matters—living in the shadow of the Cross.
My prayer is that as you think about the sin of gossip and slander in your life, you too will think back to what it means to be a follower of Christ. I pray you’re encouraged by the hope we have when we choose to cling to the power of the Cross! No sin is too strong or habit so old that we can’t find victory through Christ. I plan on writing one more post in this series on how sin hurts, and until then I pray you have a very Merry Christmas reflecting on the One who gives us power over sin and death. Thank you for listening or reading to Speaking Truth!
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