Hey, guys, it’s time for us to have a white man-to-white man conversation.
We need to talk about how we’re going to clean up the catastrophic mess we’ve made here.
And we need to be honest with ourselves and reckon with the truth that this nation is in the perilous place it is, because we have collectively failed the human test.
Our handiwork is everywhere right now:
The rabid nationalism that has swallowed up the Evangelical Church.The inexplicable second term of a court-adjudicated rapist.The violent, anti-immigrant persecution by ICE and its supporters. The Renaissance of unapologetic Nazi idols and white supremacist cheerleaders.The never-ending culture war campaigns and Don’t Tread on Me battle posturing from the political and religious Right. The knuckle-dragging, intellectually fetal toxic manhood running through the MAGA movement.And, even the internalized misogyny of Conservative Christian women.
We need to fully own it all and to decide what we’re going to do about it.
I can already hear the objections coming from behind tiny screens throughout this country from guys like me who abhor this wannabe despot, his willing acolytes in Congress, and the red-hatted death cultists who are now in year ten of living vicariously through their snarling, incompetent messiah of white mediocrity:
Not all white men!
Yes, all white men.
Not me!
Yes, you, and yes, me.
None of us gets a pass on this.
There is no immunity prize when it comes to culpability.
The protests we’ve attended, the posts we’ve authored, the charities we’ve contributed to, and the number of James Baldwin quotes we’ve shared on social do not exempt us.
There is no Good White Guy loyalty card where we earn rewards for having deconstructed our faith, spoken out against patriarchy, defected from the politics of our parents, or evolved beyond the dog-and-pony faux patriotism and hollow, one-hour-a-week religion we were weaned on.
None of that absolves us from our failure to police our own; for the times we have stayed silent when speaking required courage; when we have laughed nervously through the dehumanizing, sexist filth delivered by our neighbors, fathers, friends, and co-workers.
We need to inventory and lament the countless times we should have corrected another man; when we failed to cut off the ignorant diatribe of a stranger, or come to the defense of a woman being berated in our presence, when we chose the family gathering of least resistance and avoided meeting the moment.
I fully realize that white men are not a monolith in matters of politics or religion. Obviously, our ideologies, our opinions, and our values vary widely, as do their tangible expressions of these things in our lives. When it comes to both the contents of our hearts and the work of our hands, it would be unfair to suggest that any one of us is interchangeable with another.
And yes, acknowledging the national scourge of white supremacy, believing that women and trans people deserve to have agency over their bodies, condemning the white Evangelical theocratic aspirations, and demanding serial predators be made accountable are all important.
Yet, we don’t get kudos or atta-boys for entry-level human being stuff. That’s the bare minimum of what men of decency should do. In fact, it is precisely because we do know better that we bear the responsibility of making sure the other men around us know that they cannot get away with the garbage they can around other like-minded morons, kindred racists, and fellow predators.
The job of overcoming misogyny should not be left to women alone, the war against homophobia not relegated solely to the LGBTQ community, and the defeat of xenophobia not placed upon the shoulders of immigrants. They must be accompanied in these battles must be accompanied by members of the very community who serve as their genesis.
When it comes to the privileges provided by our gender and pigmentation, we have equally benefited, and as a result, we are equally to blame. This nation has been a 250-year-long group project that we were declared leaders of without needing to be intellectually qualified or morally equipped for the job.
And in days like these, when so many fragile, insecure, and emotionally-addled white guys are doing such harm to marginalized and vulnerable communities, all while crying about their supposed oppression, men of character and decency need to step up and make sure that they know that in us they will not find a safe space, a silent observer, or a willing accomplice.
The Beautiful Mess by John Pavlovitz is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
