This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear the full conversation, visit keelysemler.substack.com.
Today we are joined by Kerrilynn Pamer, Founder of CAP Beauty, a compassionate humanitarian and activist, and evocative writer behind the Substack Coyote Swan.
If you’re new, welcome and thank you for being here. Motherlands is a space for women navigating life’s many thresholds. It’s a place to explore the practice of mothering oneself, in ways that may have nothing to do with becoming a mother, yet everything to do with nurturing who we are becoming.
In this deeply moving conversation, Kerrilynn shares her personal journey through conception, loss, and the unexpected path that followed.
Kerrilynn speaks with striking vulnerability about conception, the heartbreak of two attempted adoptions, and what it means to be childless in a world that rarely makes space for or gives voice to that lived experience. With softness and grace, she draws us into a quiet, often unseen landscape of womanhood that isn’t defined by motherhood, yet is deeply shaped by the longing for it.
We explore the emotional terrain so many women walk in silence; the nuance between being childless and childfree, the impermanence woven into every stage of a woman’s life, and the aching truth that life waits for no one. And still, even in the unexpected places we never imagined ourselves landing, beauty abounds.
As women, I believe we are being called to hold other women’s experiences with deeper reverence and become more fluent in tender conversations… to sit with stories that don’t resolve easily, and to show up not with solutions, but with loving presence. When we listen, without needing to fix, we create room for connection and deeper understanding.
In the bonus episode, we explore cultural movements like trad wives and MAHA, as well as chat about current tv shows, movies and other musings that are lighting us up right now.
This conversation is unfiltered and deeply honest… the kind that reminds us we’re never truly alone. Kerrilynn’s story broadens the lens on reproductive health and identity, offering space for the complexities we don’t often name. She reminds us that there are many ways to carry love, loss, and meaning and that every path deserves to be seen, heard and held.
Kerrilynn Pamer is the founder and CEO of CAP Beauty, which she opened in the West Village in 2015. With a background in interior design and a career that began at Martha Stewart Living, she has spent over two decades exploring the intersection of beauty, critical thinking, and self-care. Kerrilynn is deeply passionate about the complexities of this relationship, which continues to shape her work at CAP Beauty.
This podcast is made possible by the support of listeners like you. I truly couldn’t continue this work without your help. If you believe in empowering and educating women and families through their reproductive journeys, I’d love for you to join our community as a paid subscriber. As a member, you'll get exclusive access to Behind Closed Doors, our private space where we go deeper into the unseen layers of what it means to be a woman. Join us keelysemler.substack.com.
5:12 The difference between childfree vs childless
8:44 Raising awareness & improving access to fertility options
13:27 Thoughts on adoption
1730 Navigating silent comparisons and isolation
22:52 The toxicity and privilege behind “spiritual solutions”
29:28 How fertility journey impacts relationship with partner
30:47 Redirection of energy & purpose
35:29 Family outside the traditional structure
36:39 How to respond and support someone else’s grief
37:24 Rituals for self nourishment & healing
40:45 Art & hobbies that feel like a breath of fresh air
45:01 Investigating trad wife movement & MAHA
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